After an unsuccessful three-day theatrical release in a few Texas movie theatres, Jessica Simpson?s latest movie, ?Blonde Ambition,? was slapped with the demeaning straight-to-DVD label. It will be watched by few ? and admired by even fewer.
During its brief stint on the big screen in December 2007, the movie only garnered $384 on its opening night, which ? when calculated ? comes to 48 people who saw the movie. By the end of the weekend the total gross had come to a pathetic total of $1,332 from eight separate theaters, and a month later the film was ambitiously moved to DVD in an effort to start the tortoise-paced movement out of debt. But have no pity; executive producer and Jessica Simpson?s father, Joe Simpson, can always pimp his beloved daughters to the media to make ends meet.
The film revolves around Simpson?s character Katie, a sugary-sweet, small-town Southern gal who takes a trip to New York City to visit her aspiring model boyfriend. After finding him with another woman, she seeks comfort and shelter from her city-dwelling cousin Haley (Rachel Leigh Cook, ?She?s All That?). In an unexplainable turn of events, Katie soon lands a corporate job with the help of quirky evil-doers Debra (Penelope Ann Miller, ?The Messengers?) and Freddy (Andy Dick, ?The Comebacks?), who wish to manipulate her to gain higher status within the company. Although wholesomely naive and dopey, Katie tries to prove that she has what it takes to be a high-class, working woman with the encouragement of her grandpa (Willie Nelson, ?The Dukes of Hazzard?) and love interest (Luke Wilson, ?Blades of Glory?). The message of the movie made me realize that I don?t need a college education or impressive r?sum? to attain a respectable position in corporate America. I just need to learn Southern charm and how to tilt my head ever-so-slightly when I?m confused.
With a barren, cliche-ridden script and overblown direction, the film becomes a horrid debauchery that should be hidden from the eyes of mankind. Even the make-up crew couldn?t get it straight since Simpson?s face constantly looks as though it was dipped in Pepto-Bismol and iodine.
However, I wasn?t completely altered by Simpson?s acting and only cringed occasionally, but I suppose a lifetime of method acting as an airhead has made her embodiment of the character more believable. It seems Simpson wished to escape the tabloids that pinned her as a dumb blonde by showcasing her talent as an actress playing none other than a dumb blonde. Genius! Andy Dick?s performance, on the other hand, was overly outrageous and entirely unnecessary. For myself and all others who wish to avoid any project he is involved in, I wish to endorse a surgeon general?s warning on each movie with his nauseating presence. As for the additional talent, Luke Wilson appeared to be on an eternal hangover, and Willie Nelson?s questionable, THC-induced performance made him appear more likely to go catch butterflies onscreen than read his lines.
?Blonde Ambition? will not be Simpson?s last straight-to-DVD flub; audiences can keep their eyes peeled in 2008 for ?Major Movie Star,? a movie in which Simpson tries her hand at a more diverse role by playing a dumb blonde who joins the Army. It seems that Simpson wishes to recreate a DVD anthology such as the likes of ?The Adventures of Mary Kate and Ashley,? except Simpson could never throw down a sleepover party like the Olsen twins, not to mention that she has considerably less talent.
If ?Blonde Ambition? does anything, it shows production companies that pairing a popular celebrity ? especially one like Jessica Simpson ? with a film is not only financially and critically unsuccessful, it is an embarrassment for all who are in it and all who experience the horror of watching it.
1/2 stars out of 5
