There is etiquette for almost any situation — for example, dinner etiquette. My grandpa always told us to keep our elbows off the table. Or etiquette for a job interview (you can never dress too professional). But what about party etiquette? And by party, I don't mean a holiday soiree at your aunt's house. I mean house-party-on-a-college-campus-and-even-at-a-bar etiquette. Who says it has to be a formal situation to behave properly? Extenuating circumstances from this past weekend forced me to call some people out: party foul!

Let me tell you a little story about an a-bar at my house. When my roommate casually walked up the spiral staircase to her room, she found two people there — a guy and a girl — with their pants down … in her bed. If there is an almighty party foul, then this is it. My roommate knew the guy, but that does not make it ok. Your friends' bedrooms are not your bedrooms … even when you're drunk and horny at an a-bar. My roommates and I escorted him by his shirt collar, pushed him down the spiral staircase and shoved him out the front door of our lovely house … while many people watched and laughed.

This guy was not only rude and disrespectful, but he is also a 30-year-old lawyer. Thank you Jon at a local law firm for inspiring me to write this column. And thank you for leaving your business card, loose change and hat on my roommate's bed.

P.S. You might get eight drunk-dials on your office phone this weekend.

Lawyer-man isn't done yet, though. He earned a double party foul in my book because before he dropped by my house, he was at … the KK. And he's not the only 30-year-old hanging out at college bars to pick up girls. At bars like the State, there are plenty of older men, probably married, hitting on college girls and more-than-likely lying about their ages. My roommate freshman year hit it off with a guy, exchanged numbers and waited for a phone call. Unfortunately, she found out from a friend that he was married … and a lot older than he told her. But don't worry, he called her and still wanted to hang out. You're not in college anymore, old man! Grow up! Live in the now!

If you're married, own a home and have completely paid off your college debts, then you are not allowed to hit on girls at the State or the KK … or Brat's … or pretty much any bar on State Street and the near-vicinity. Unfortunately, UW students will always dominate the social scene downtown and that sucks for you. You should probably move to Chicago. Or go to the swanky capitol bars with your own kind. Or there are always the older-person bars, like Paul's Club, where the coolest thing inside is a tree.

Now that the old men are out of the picture, let's focus on people our age. Whether at a bar or at a party, it's easy to foul out this category … flirting-slash-hitting-on-people. You walk up to someone, they smile, you chit-chat, they walk away. You follow them. Time out! If they walk away, they are probably trying to get away … from you. I'm sorry that you're drunk and you might not realize it, but not everyone at a bar or a party is trying to find a lover for the night. It's ok to walk up to a person and start a conversation, but if they awkwardly signal to their friends to come save them, let it die. Your two-minute love affair has come to an end. When Will Smith first hits on Eva Mendes in "Hitch," he is totally smooth … approach, amaze, depart. If they like you they will come back and find you.

Let's say you get lucky and someone does come back to find you. You're hitting it off really well. They're cute. You're smiling. But then you get distracted … what are those people doing on the couch? Oh my god. They're totally making out hard core right in front of everyone! You grab a digi-cam and start taking pictures of the people going at it. Party foul! No, not you … the couple on the couch, of course. Get a room! Actually, go home to your own room.

Keep in mind that when you make out with people at a party or a bar … other people can see you. They can see you and they're watching you … and laughing at you. And if you work in an office like the Badger Herald, the photo of you and your newfound lover will be hanging from the walls tomorrow, or will be printed in the paper as an in-house ad for the whole campus to see.

Even though parties and bars are places where you can let go and drink your stressful semester away, don't completely lose yourself. You can keep your elbows on the table, but just remember: hold your horniness until you get home, forgo the stalking, avoid hitting on people 10 years younger than you … and lock your bedroom door.

Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. She is really happy that she locked her bedroom door on Saturday night. She can be reached at [email protected].