I've noticed a trend lately … or rather a running joke. From films, to advertisements to TV, people can't seem to get enough of … virgins. So today, in honor of this obnoxious humor, the sex column has become the abstinence column … well, sort of.
"National Lampoon's Adam & Eve" is a story about a college-aged couple that just began dating, but "hard as it is to believe of such a hot girl in today's campus world, Eve is still a virgin." Adam laughs at Eve when she tells him — and then doesn't know what to do with himself.
Listening to the TV the other night, I overheard part of a commercial for a show: "A virgin? That's like finding a unicorn!" And the other day in the halls of Vilas, falling from the newspaper stands were little sticker advertisements for "Adam & Eve" with "No Virgins Allowed" written in red capital letters.
And don't forget "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" … you know, where all virgins are clueless, prude and extremely dorky, right? Like the website for "Adam & Eve" says, "If you think virginity is not a laughing matter … think again."
Why do most people who are still virgins feel embarrassed about it? I think I can take a guess.
Sarcastic comments like on the "Adam & Eve" website ("For her it's not about religion, or waiting for wedlock, but about waiting until it feels 'right.'") are offensive to a girl who is waiting until it feels right. Different religious beliefs and different views on sex before marriage are topics of debate, but waiting to have sex with someone you actually want to have sex with is not that unusual … or worth a debate. Let's not put down the girl who is making a good decision and respects herself.
In the grand scheme of college life, who is more deserving of the jokes: the girl with her "v-card" or the slutty girl with STDs?
OK, so not everyone who has had sex is a slut, but not all of those people who haven't had sex are nuns … or ugly. It might sound funny at first (the unicorn comment made me laugh out loud), but it is really obnoxious to the people who are perfectly capable of having sex, but just choose not to … yet.
It's probably because they haven't found anybody that deserves them or anyone they feel comfortable with. But someday they will, and they will have sex and everyone can stop staring and move on with their lives.
To the surprise of Adam and to a lot of other men, I bet there are a lot of Eves living in Madison … hot college girls who haven't had sex. And I know there are even more guys walking around State Street who haven't done the deed yet … I just know it. If girls are open about their feelings and they can feel self-conscious about the topic, I can't even imagine a guy talking to his buddies about this.
According to the most recent (2002) study from the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics, about 10 percent of men ages 15 to 44 years of age have never had any form of sex in their lives (the number drops to 3 percent for the 25 to 44 age bracket). So the 40-year-old virgin isn't completely alone. And since this survey was done with in-person interviews, I'd imagine a large number of men didn't divulge their virginity to a stranger, especially those men that are older. Basically, these findings should be read as "3 percent of men ages 25 to 44 admitted they were virgins."
Between ages 15 and 19, about 12 percent of males have had oral sex but not vaginal intercourse. This statistic drops quickly to 3 percent by the time men reach the ages of 22 to 24 and is similar for women. So although the majority of people have had sex, not all those who haven't are completely inexperienced. And it seems somewhere between the ages of 19 and 22 are when a lot of people are catching up to the majority — which is college-aged and where all of us are right now.
And let's think of the benefits of still being a virgin in college: You probably don't have any STDs. When you finally do have sex, you'll be much more knowledgeable than you were in high school (all those years of reading Cosmo will have paid off). The person you have sex with will probably be experienced, so your first time won't be horrible. The person you have sex with will also be more mature than a teenager (along with yourself). And, the best part: since you've moved out now, you don't have to worry about parents and siblings hearing you or your stuffed animals from your childhood watching you get down.
If you still feel behind the game, take this statistic to heart from the same 2002 study: by the time a male reaches the 30 to 44-years-old age bracket, he has had an average of six to eight female partners. Women in the same age range have slept with about four men. Most college students have at least another 10 years before they reach the beginning of this age bracket. You still have a chance to fit in (if you really want to)! And those of you who have already reached the general quota and surpassed it three years ago: feel slutty yet? Maybe they should have a separate study for college campuses.
Read Cosmo, read this column, watch "Sex and the City," talk to Hef — it's not all about sex. Virgin or not, what happens between the sheets is your business … and your choice. And what's wrong with unicorns?
Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. She dedicates this article to a few people who know who they are. She can be reached at [email protected].
