Sixteen more days until Christmakkuh. 'Tis the season to go shopping — or rather to think of really exciting and unique presents … and then ending up buying something generic from the Gap because finals last until two days before the holidays. But fear not! In these last two weeks, there are presents abound that will spice up everyone's gift giving. And you can order them online from the comfort of the library.
Skip the body lotion, sweaters and DVDs, because this year, there are lesbian bedspreads, festive crotchless panties and a stripper handbook just waiting to be placed under the tree.
The No. 1 most unique holiday present this year is from Reality Bedding, a new website offering comforters geared toward the sexually free-spirited college crowd. There are four "edgy" designs, with a twin comforter starting at $115. Imagine your favorite photo screen-printed onto a T-shirt and then blown up about 15 times … and really comfy. Two of the designs are large black-and-white photos of scantily clad women in bed and the other two are graphics — one is the large, navy blue GAP logo … but the last letter has been changed to a "Y."
The Atlanta-based company, run by two men in their 30s who want to bring excitement to the typical boring bedroom set, sent a comforter called "Kiss" to the Badger Herald. The Tanya Chalkin photo of two girls in their T-shirts and underwear kissing while lying on a bed is a very popular poster that graces the walls of many bedrooms around campus … and is now displayed on the wall next to the Badger Herald bathroom.
As I unfolded the gigantic comforter from the package during a news meeting, screams of joy could be heard from the conference room — "That picture's awesome and totally hot!" (Note: the news section is mostly male.) Two news editors proceeded to spend 10 minutes carefully hanging it on our office wall — "That's beautiful. And I'm not even a lesbian guy!"– while they fought over who gets to keep it.
Despite the excitement from most males, it did receive a few criticisms from one guy — "Why is it called Reality Bedding? Two hot lesbians — that's not realistic." Well, I've seen some hot lesbians before, but maybe it should be called Male Fantasy Bedding. At least it's more tasteful than any naked-women-in-a-bikini-with-beer posters hanging in most college male apartments … and it's a fairly creative way to display art.
Although the black-and-white photos on the comforters are "edgy," they are still somehow pretty. I actually got used to the 4-foot tall image of two girls making out in front of my desk. But my favorite comforter was "Sleeping Beauties" with four women in bras and underwear asleep on a bed — kind of creepy but strangely pretty.
So if you want to be the best girlfriend ever … and don't mind staring at a picture of lesbians while at your boyfriend's house, one of these bedspreads from www.realitybedding.com should do the trick. And imagine how excited a guy would be to tear off the wrapping paper of a present and find hot women staring back? It's sure to bring a smile on Christmas morning.
The second most creative and exciting presents for the holidays this year are from the halls of one of my most favorite stores — Victoria's Secret. They manage to turn everything sexy, from dice to poker. And yes, they even found a way to make Christmas slutty. Happy Birthday Jesus!
The greatest gifts from Victoria's Secret are from their Sexy Little Things line. Instead of waiting up for Santa on Christmas Eve, you can turn your girlfriend into Santa … a slutty Santa … every night of Hanukkah! No cookies and milk or good behavior required. Sexy Santa Girl hot-pink miniskirt with fur trim ($24), matching hot-pink Santa hat ($10) and hot-pink push up bra bring a whole new meaning to "Ho! Ho! Ho!" this season. Although those items are purchased separately, you can buy a complete set, called Sexy Little Santa, in a cute and very tiny red velvet bag, for $40. Sexy Little Santa includes red panties with white lace trim, ahem, crotchless panties and a red, thin Santa hat … and that's it.
Instead of regular board games … although Scrabble is fun … Victoria's Secret also has Sexy Little Dice ($14) and a Sexy Poker Kit ($28). The dice game is your typical provocative-phrases-on-the-sides-of-dice game, but the poker game is extra-cute because it has pink chips. Maybe girls will actually want to play poker if it's pink and comes in a cute bag … I'm sure the playing cards are extra-fun too. So head over to the stores at West Towne Mall and East Towne Mall (don't worry they let guys inside!) or check out www.victoriassecret.com for some holiday fun.
And my final suggestion for creative gifts is books. Everyone loves to read, especially after finals! OK, maybe not, but these books aren't used to study for finals, they are used to study up on other subjects … from orgasms 101 to getting-it-on training to daily quizzes on positions. Right down on State Street at Urban Outfitters, or for a bigger selection check www.urbanoutfitters.com, there are a slew of entertaining books about sex for under $20 — and you can probably find used ones on Amazon.com for even cheaper.
The almost-782-page "Guide to Getting it On," by Paul Joannides, has 58 chapters exploring sex from the how-tos to the history. For only $12.95, "Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming" by Lou Paget, is sure to be a gift everyone can benefit from. And my favorite, "The Stripper's Guide to Looking Great Naked" by Jennifer Axen and Leigh Phillips, is the perfect present for a slutty roommate or someone who was inspired by Rosario Dawson's hot dancing scene in "Rent." The book is full of instructions from strippers, whether it is moving slooowly or being aware of your posture and facial expressions, because "Strippers everywhere have plenty of tips besides the ones wedged into their thongs." And this book claims to be the stripper's Bible. That's gotta mean something.
Of course, "The Cosmo Kama Sutra," for $17.95, is a great present for any girl who loves reading the same sh-t in Cosmopolitan every month (I do). Here is a compilation of 77 positions, from the Passion Propeller to the Randy Recliner, with all those funny pictures. But if you are feeling adventurous, check out the "Position of the Day Playbook: Sex every day in every way." Positions like March 20's Demi and Ashton (wait, what?) are sure to be a change from Cosmopolitan. For only $12.95, "A position a day keeps the love doctor away." It even tells you how many calories are burned during each position, although I don't really know how they figure that out. Either way, it's sure to burn more calories than singing carols or watching holiday specials on TV … or waiting for a machine at the SERF.
With your exciting non-conventional presents you might want to avoid the usual holiday gift-giving practices as well. If you put this kind of holiday cheer under the traditional family Christmas tree, you might end up on the naughty list next year.
Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. This Christmas, she is hoping for the hot-pink Santa hat and a trip to Disney World after the Capitol One Bowl. She can be reached at [email protected].
