There's no hope. No hope at all for anyone. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are over. The Newlyweds show … the duets … the ridiculous birthday presents they gave each other. Done. It was all lies! Lies I tell you!
After all those stories I thought were only rumors … can it possibly get any more depressing? They seemed so in love. How can you listen to one of their lame-ass songs without appreciating the fact that they are young and married and happy? They are rich, famous and super hot — where is the problem? You would think all of the single women (and men) in the world would be jumping for joy that these hotties are back on the market, but a lot of girls are just sad about the whole situation.
It all started when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up and almost every girl I know was so upset. Then Angelina Jolie had to step into the picture and ruin any chance for future Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston babies. And apparently after the breakup of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, he started taking crazy pills and replaced an Australian beauty with boring Ohio girl-next-door Katie Holmes who is now pregnant! Pregnant! For some reason Tom Cruise babies just don't seem as exciting anymore.
And to top it all off, Cosmopolitan runs an article about "successful" celebrity marriages lasting only five years … or five months — what is the world coming to? Is it possible to drop someone you have been married to for years and start a new serious relationship within a month? Just claim "irreconcilable differences" and move on?
The celebrity dating scene is officially out of control. Talon from Laguna Beach was engaged to Kimberly Stewart (for about a week), Kenny Chesney actually married Renee Zellweger — but they divorced only months later. Paris Hilton gets engaged to a male Paris, but they call it quits soon after. Doesn't anyone stay together anymore?
The only young celebrity couples I can think of that are together are Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz (weird) and Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner (married in the summer and just had a baby girl named Violet on Wednesday). That is just two couples out of too many who have broken up.
So to whom can we look now? Are Britney and Kevin (and their newborn baby) the new "perfect" young celebrity couple? I hope to God they do not make another season of that terrible show — it gave me a headache from Britney Spears drunkenly filming things in the dark. But it turns out the couples we thought were perfect are imperfect, and maybe those who we think are insane are really the sane ones.
Why are cool people like George Clooney still single? Maybe he's the smart one.
As stupid as celebrity gossip is (and I just wasted more than 400 words on just that), it can be representative of the normal people, like us. Maybe there are not as many young college kids getting engaged and breaking it off within a week as there are crazy celebrities doing so, but whether it's the real world or Hollywood, relationships aren't taken as seriously anymore.
"Desperate Housewives," "Sex and the City," "Stepford Wives," "Entourage" … Hollywood is attacking relationships! Apparently it is nearly impossible to be happily married or happily dating. It's not like I would rather see 1950s happily-ever-after romantic endings on every movie and TV show, but it would be nice to have a little shot of Disney in my life every once in a while.
We listen to these Hollywood drama traps about broken relationships and think it is a reality. Sure, all the girls cried when Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up but as soon as Mr. and Mrs. Smith was released everyone wanted to see the "on-screen chemistry" between "Brangelina" — no one was crying for Jennifer Aniston anymore. On to the next relationship! We like drama!
Trends like this become even more apparent when my 73-year-old grandma asks me when I'm getting married to my boyfriend and asks my cousin, who's only a freshman, the same thing. Hello grandma! In the 21st century, just because we are dating someone does not mean we are getting married anytime soon. But to her, dating someone is a huge deal, and 50 or 60 years ago people married their high school boyfriends. Yikes — what would the world be like if we all married the people we dated in high school?
And if my grandma only knew the way people treat each other in college.
"Hi. I'm a college student. I drunkenly sleep with people I don't really know and then I do it with someone else next weekend — best years of my life!"
Grandma would have a heart attack — and rightfully so. Both of my grandparents, my parents and all of my aunts and uncles were high school sweethearts and are all still married. I never realized what a huge accomplishment that is. It seems crazy to us who watch the 40-year-old-plus single women out clubbing on "Sex and the City" — a little different from "Leave it to Beaver." We could all probably learn something about relationships from our grandparents.
If we want any hope for successful relationships, we should ignore the drama of celebrity couples and take the fabulous drama-filled shows on HBO a little less seriously. Gossip about your grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary and how cool that is or watch "Cinderella" a few times for some inspiration.
Maybe Nick and Jessica weren't right for each other. Maybe Britney Spears and Kevin Federline will be married forever. Maybe you will drunkenly sleep with your future husband this weekend. The times, they are a-changin' but hopefully somewhere, romance is still alive.
Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. She really hopes that Jessica and Nick get back together soon, but she'll watch "Cinderella" in the meantime. She can be reached at [email protected].
