After seeing a lame commercial for eHarmony Internet dating that claimed to match couples based on "twenty-nine dimensions that are most important in relationship success," I wondered if maybe they had found 29 magical somethings that make a perfect couple. I decided to check out the website … with a fake name, of course.

I've always been a bit wary of Internet dating but the commercials always show happy computer-nerdy couple after happy computer-nerdy couple. Did you know Jayson and Lisa were engaged on Sept. 24, 2004? What about Dawn and Todd who were married on Sept. 14, 2004? And guess what? They're still together! All because of eHarmony. Wow. I don't care.

Well, after clicking 75 little bubbles ranking characteristics — warm, arrogant, impulsive, attractive, perfectionist and uncomplicated — from one to seven and only being 17 percent complete with the profile, I gave up. F-you eHarmony. That's not fun. On to Match.com.

Match.com offered much more immediate gratification! Right away, I typed in WOMAN seeking MAN ages 18 to 22 in the 53703 area. Bam! Five pages of guys who have profiles in the Madison area. There was cheesehead22, sweetguy4226, SmoochieBear11, greatguy3364, ScooterRandoo … wait a minute, do I know that kid?

The website warns not to be surprised if you recognize friends or coworkers. After all, Match.com has inspired TWICE as many marriages as any other online dating website in the world. And apparently almost a quarter of a million people met a significant other just last year. Kind of creepy. Either way, I definitely recognized three people right off the bat and I didn't even have to set up a profile. One of my old high school teachers joined this website and once the students found out, it was over for her. The link to her profile was passed through instant messenger overnight to our entire high school. Yikes.

I was surprised how personal the profiles get (and how much I now knew about my teacher). They really have thought of everything — things that might usually take people a couple of months to discover if they were actually dating. You tell all about yourself and then choose exactly who you want your ideal date to be and then the site will go searching in cyberspace for that perfect man or woman. But then what happens when you meet them? Do you get married? Because if he or she really is your match, then I guess you already know everything about them. Is that any fun? Let's find out.

The profile starts off with the "Me" section, focusing on the basics: appearance, interests, lifestyles and background/values. Height, body type, eyes, hair, do you smoke? The question that surprised me was "relationship status," with married as a choice. If you're married, why are you on a dating website? Wait, if I have a boyfriend, why am I on the website? Research purposes! Anyway, I kept filling out the profile and had to fess up my eating and exercise habits as well as annual income. How sweet.

Now it's time to create your perfect match. It's like a mail-order bride. Or Build-A-Bear. Pick the pieces of the puzzle, put them together and you've got Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. Section two, titled "About My Date," starts off with the chance to check a box if you only want to see profiles with photos. A little piece of advice: if you do start a profile, it better include a good photo because according to a Match.com survey, an attractive photo is the No. 1 reason why someone will check you out. A cleverly written profile landed the No. 2 spot.

After the typical eyes, body type and profession questions, the questionnaire continues: What languages should he speak? How often do your dates drink? Should he want kids? How much money should he make? I wasn't kidding when I said it was a little creepy.

Although there are 11 options for hair color (salt and pepper, bald, platinum), some of their sections fall short. The "What turns you on … and off?" does not include a space to type an answer, but it includes really random things like candlelight, skinny-dipping and thunderstorms … along with money. Are you sure money can't buy love?

After getting pretty personal and checking the little boxes and creating the perfect match, I was surprised the website didn't cut all the fun out of dating. If you're going to know everything about this person, you might as well know EVERYTHING. I think all profiles should have check boxes for snoring, farting in bed, burping loudly, I talk with my mouth full, I look like a train wreck in the morning, bad acne, favorite sex position, I will give you an STD, my family is crazy … why not? Just throw it all out there. I mean, this is Match.com, right?

The Internet tries to make dating as easy as possible. But is it supposed to be easy? I thought half the fun about dating is getting to know someone and letting them surprise you. It's OK to find out that they aren't perfect. The point of a relationship is to grow closer — otherwise you might hit a brick wall and have nowhere to go … but back to a computer survey.

I'm going to take a stand against Internet dating. It's just another way to become impersonal and lazy, just like text messaging or when people abuse the Facebook for stalking purposes. (However, with the addition of photo albums and the fact that 85 percent of college students are on the website, Facebook-stalking can be at least a bit more satisfying.) If you meet someone through Facebook-stalking or Internet dating, make up for the lack of physical contact — set up a nice date without text messaging and e-mails and go to a nice place where you can talk without a mouse or a keyboard.

Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. She hopes the fake dating profiles she created won't actually be posted on the Internet because she clicked some really creepy boxes on the "What turns you on?" section. She can be reached at [email protected].