You've seen it on TV; you've seen it in the movies. You didn't think it actually existed, but it does. And it's here in Madison — it's speed dating!
Speed dating is not an Olympic sport, but it is a new way of dating. It's alternative, like online dating, but it removes the impersonal, sometimes deceiving and lazy ways of the Internet. Instead, it allows face-to-face interaction with multiple dating prospects, in an efficient manner, all in one night and for the low price of $20.
I was always kind of iffy about speed dating and any alternative-dating styles in general. I like traditional romantic love stories, not "we met in a chat room." And I still don't understand Internet dating with the superficial pictures and profiles, and the "perfect" marriages displayed on Match.com commercials creep me out. It's like Facebook for old people.
After failed attempts to get any girls to come speed dating with me (the age range of the event was 21 to 34-years-old — older men, anyone?), I braved it alone. But just to watch. Tickets to participate as a speed-dater were already sold out … and I have a boyfriend.
I followed the signs that said "Speed-Dating" at Madison's on King Street, and when I entered the downstairs bar, the disco ball was spinning, the lights were low and the wine was flowing. The city's premiere speed-dating party was already in action. The 30 singles, equipped with nametags, were so chatty, loud and excited, they sounded like a group of sorority girls rushing new freshmen. I felt like they should all be wearing matching shirts.
And … there were some hotties at the party! The majority of the people looked friendly and were dressed nicely — no mutants in sight.
I examined the 15 single men and 15 single women mingling with each other. Fifteen tables were set up with couples stationed face-to-face and at the ring of a bell, they had six minutes to strut their single stuff and prove they were dating material. When the six minutes had expired and the bell was struck again, 15 of the speed-daters stood up and rotated to the next open table for another round of fast and furious flirting.
I sat at the bar with Kristi Moe, the organizer of the event. She showed me the little booklet every speed-dater was holding. No contact information is exchanged between speed-daters at the event because Kristi has all of their information and does all of the contacting for them. In each booklet, for the women, there is a list of all the men's names in one column and for the men, a list of the women's names. Next to the prospects' names were checkboxes: Yes, we hit it off; No, wasn't feeling it; and Friend, found a new buddy.
It reminded me of passing those notes in middle school where a boy would ask if you wanted to be his girlfriend and you would check Yes, No or Maybe — except these notes had 15 boyfriend options and someone else figures it out for you. The boy won't know that you rejected him until a few days later and you don't have to worry about seeing him in sixth period gym class Monday. It's junior high mannerisms applied to an adult situation and it's awesome.
Kristi said if two people both mark "Yes, we hit it off," then she would either call or e-mail them with each other's contact info. If one person checks "Yes" but the other person just wants to be friends, she won't give them each other's phone numbers because they have different intentions for the relationship.
As I observed the speed-daters, I asked the married bartender what he thought about this quick and painless dating style. He hadn't personally seen speed dating before, but he did own every episode of Sex and the City and thought the fast flings looked fun — six minutes is enough to feel someone out, but not too painful if you don't get along with each other. And although some were nervous at first, people were loosening up after a couple rounds of chatting, he added, because "you gotta jog and stretch before you start running, otherwise you'll just pull something." So wise, Mr. Bartender.
During a 15-minute break, the speed-daters kept Mr. Bartender busy ("The alcohol helps," Kristi said) while I chatted with 30-year-old tan stud-muffin David who "works for the government." David was dragged to speed dating by his friends and thought the event was "interesting." He hadn't met any women he wanted to date yet, but he admitted he is "kind of picky." His friends seemed to be having some luck. I think David had a negative speed-dating attitude, but then again he asked if I was single. Bye, David.
Julie, another smokin' single at the party, said she has enjoyed her career as a speed-dater so far because she doesn't have problems striking up a conversation with anyone. Some people thought it had been awkward at times, like when one guy just gave a three-minute speech on his life (instead of engaging in a normal conversation) and expected a scripted spiel in return. The dates go by quickly though, she added. Julie said there were some guys she would definitely consider grabbing a drink with in a more relaxed situation and there were "a couple cuties" present in the room that she was waiting for.
Some people are clearly wary of this kind of alternative dating style, including the losers at the upstairs bar who were too cool to peel themselves off their stools and check out the speed-dating scene in the basement. When speed-dater Shayna, who graduated last year from UW, entered Madison's early, she sat at the bar looking around for the party. Shayna asked the woman next to her where the speed-dating was taking place and got an "Aww, that's downstairs," sympathy response with a kick'em-when-they're-down "Good luck!" Well, Shayna didn't need luck because 15 single men talked to her that night while I only saw three men at the upstairs bar who were only interested in the Red Sox v. White Sox game.
Speed dating is out-of-the-ordinary, but what is ordinary in the dating world? Drunkenly sleeping with someone you just met? Kristi and her friends were so sick of bar-hopping and internet dating, that they took the matter into their own hands. Kristi organized the speed-dating event, thought Madison's would be the perfect place and set up a website, www.flirtinginthecity.com.
"We decided to take control of our own destiny and make it happen for ourselves," Kristi said. She even plans to set up Madison speed-dating events for single parents, the gay and lesbian community and the 18 to 22-year-old college-age range.
At the end of the night, the combination of junior-high note passing and sorority rushing seemed to work well for Kristi and her speed-dating team. Singles got to mingle with other singles who were in the same boat and with Kristi playing Cupid, there are surely some love matches to be made, or at the very least, some new friendships.
Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. She's too busy extreme-dating her boyfriend to try speed dating, but she thinks the entire campus should consider it because it looked really fun. She can be reached at [email protected].
