There are four reasons good girlfriends like Maria call their platonic paramours like Gato at 2:30 a.m.: break-ups, pets dying, landing new Sexy Jobs, and incredible first dates. It’s never about torrid cinematic flings. That’s rude because a platonic paramour is always in torrid solitude.

Maria made a wee-hours call to Gato from Philadelphia, to talk about her new sexy life, so Gato wants to take cue to talk about Sexy Jobs, careers everyone wants.

For those who wrote ‘comptroller’ on the job line of their dreambook, Sexy Jobs are primarily in the following areas: music, fashion, advertising, television, film and magazines.

This week’s sexy career advice is basics on the music business.
For machos, a Sexy Job is the best pomegranate to summon Greek Goddesses. For mujeres, it makes you intriguing to top-shelf hombres.

Maria was thrilled she had just returned from her first Real Thing — her first official big city date. A night out with,” … not a boy or a guy, a man! He actually took me to a place where you need reservations!”

Maria was even more excited that he worked for McCarter English as an entertainment lawyer, which, according to her, “was kind of like being in a band only realistic and responsible.”

She then listed all her date’s great attributes and his well-known clients six times over. Then she talked about her new job at the corporate headquarters of Urban Outfiters/Anthropologie five times over.

Yes, Maria was thriving in Philadelphia like Ben Franklin newly emancipated from Boston.

Sexy Jobs, isn’t that what people with no science and math aptitude are all about? Yet, landing one seems as hard as exercising with the goal of attaining a tiny waist and a big butt.

Entry-level Sexy Jobs often carry unsexy salaries, explaining the disproportionate number of trust funders. But for those of us born into social castes between Wal-Mart and Boston Store, Sexy Jobs as first jobs are not out of reach if one is willing to succumb to a whollop of Social Darwinism.

Since Maria left, her old roommate Abel was still sleeping on Gato’s couch. Gato’s excited ‘wows!’ woke him up. After Gato finished listening to Maria’s possibility for landing issue-free-man-booty, Abel came into Gato’s room, immediately putting Gato into DDMM (Deeply Disturbing Male Moment) shock at the sight of Abel entering his bedroom wearing nothing but a Jockey male thong.

“Maria calling and crying from Philadelphia,” Abel said.

Gato told Abel, ‘no,’ Maria’s call was a call of joy and asked the male-thong-monster-nightmare to exit.

Instead of leaving Gato’s bedroom, Abel covered his near-nakedness with a towel, pulled up a butterfly chair, and started telling Gato that he was thinking of leaving grad school to look for a Sexy Job in another city like Maria. “She says you have some hook-ups in the music business.”

“If you’re thinking of living with Maria,” Gato advised, “She had quite a bit to say about your late-night-male-underwear conversations.”

“Don’t worry, I’m starting to body wax,” Abel replied.

Gato told Abel to go back to the sofa, in sweatpants, and ask about it in the morning.

Since Gato knew breakfast at home would be scrambled eggs and thong, he took Abel out for brunch at the Weary Traveler (1201 Williamson). He’ll share advice with readers as well — breezy, brief but useful.

Talking with industry friends, music is the hardest of the sexy businesses to get established in, especially as the MP3 changes distribution and big labels get smaller.

A great way to get one’s name around the industry is to start an independent company that works on a per project basis, first for small acts, then later, national ones.

For a year, Gato shared loft space with Sadiq Ali who ran Beat Ups Recording and turnkey production company Black Galaxy Network. Sadiq’s uncle is George Clinton of Parliament Funkadelic, but that doesn’t mean doors were automatically opened for him. Sadiq’s job producing demos for new artists and advising major label A&R people on the professional maturity of prospective acts brought work home at all hours.

Sadiq also rented digital printing and silkscreen equipment to produce promotional and tour collateral. For home office equipment, Xerox and other digital printing companies will rent equipment to your home office on a per impression basis.

Anything tour related is an area where musicians are more hands-on because touring is where artists make money, and you can make money. Record labels are also notoriously late payers for contract work.

Support industries and sales are always good places to start. Distribution entities, record store chains, and believe it or not, radio stations, have a broader range of positions at better pay.

Zeta Riggs, owner of Philadelphia’s neo-soul hangout Latte Lounge and two years out of college, oversaw in-store promotions and appearances with HMV. She advises flagship stores, for chains like Virgin often have an in-store person doing all the work in this area.

In-stores benefit the label more than the band so making sure an artist even shows up is a monster task. Zeta relates that the only consistently punctual and team-playing performer was JayZ. Wrap your mind around that, and one realizes how visible key local positions can become to a record label.

People hired for positions like these are sharp with fine-point logistics, so write a resume emphasizing those points. UW’s Union Directorate programming board has a fine reputation in the industry for producing people.

Before starting graduate school, Abel had worked for an event-marketing company that organized nightclub events for liquor clients. He had found the job through a local liquor distributor that promoted the events with Bacardi. Gato advised him that his past experience would be a good start.

In the end, Gato would have sensibly told Abel to finish graduate school but he wanted Abel off his couch. (Etiquette of male friends and sofas explained later).

Next week and the following week: more about Sexy Jobs and insider info on relocating to the Windy City.