In recent weeks, I have had a strange and frightening recurring dream. It begins as I am smiling or laughing. Then, slowly, my once-beautiful teeth begin to fall out, one by one. Convinced that I’m crazy and possessed by an evil tooth fairy, I did a little digging and found that my nightmare dealt with an entirely different thing than I had expected: sexual frustration.

Of course, dreams can be interpreted in many different ways, but after finding the same interpretation in many places, I began to give it some thought. I’m admitting, I’ve hit a dry spell. OK, well … I am sitting in the Sahara f-cking desert of dry spells.

Trying to function as a normal person in a world of sexual tease is hard enough when you’re getting some. It’s even harder when you’re not.

I spoke to one male friend, Luke, who explained his dry spell like this: “I’m going on two months since my girlfriend and I broke up. I always took it for granted having her to sleep with. It’s harder than I thought to get laid. As each night winds down, I lower my standards further. Soon, I’m going to have to pray hard to the rain gods for their help.”

Elegantly put. When exiting a relationship, not only must you deal with leftover emotions, but raging hormones. When you are used to getting laid on a regular basis, especially by someone you know well and with whom you share a certain level of comfort, it can be quite a challenge to find new partners.

Dry spells are not just for people in Luke’s situation. Being in a relationship where you are not getting ass regularly can be more frustrating than not getting any at all. I once assumed that a friend of mine had a healthy and active sex life, until she told me she only had sex about 10 times in a two-year relationship. She had moral objections, believing that sex should be saved for marriage. Although I respect her view, I was astounded that two people who had consummated their relationship, and still did so on occasion, would purposefully deprive themselves of pleasure from the person they loved. If anyone has pent-up energy, it’s her poor boyfriend.

Let’s not leave out single people out there. Sexual energy is pulsing on this campus, and so is the sexual frustration. I spoke to a guy named Thomas to get another perspective from a single guy: “I think it’s more of a mental thing. When you’re shot down once, it’s OK — you can move on. When you’re shot down twice, you start to question yourself and your attractiveness. It’s even harder when you actually like a girl and you can’t get your game together.”

I’m in agreement with Thomas. When you think you’re going to get some action and then you don’t, it becomes a cruel mental trick. Not to mention you have to break it to your junk. No matter what the circumstances, dry spells are frustrating.

Men and women both often lower their standards during a dry spell. While, thankfully, women don’t have to deal with an unexpected woody, they do deal with erotic dreams just as often as their male counterparts. Yes, there are times we wake knowing exactly what just happened — an orgasm. Though rare, it happens most often when we are sexually deprived. I don’t often hear women complain of this, but I can contest it’d be nice to be awake.

Bodies act strangely — we all know that — but what happens in a sexual withdrawal is completely natural. According to a BBC report, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin, as well as a cocktail of other chemicals, are released in our bodies during pleasurable sexual encounters. These are the chemicals that can cause sexual addictions, and, without them, temporary insanity. If my dream was any indication, “Bring on the drugs!”

Sexual frustration often has strange side effects. All of a sudden, breasts appear in your line of sight. Phallic symbols are everywhere. You may giggle as you gather zucchinis in the supermarket, hoping no one notices. You’re 10 minutes late to an exam, but still manage to imagine a penis the size of the Social Sciences clock tower. This is when you begin to realize your “hard” situation. You could just sleep with someone to relieve yourself of this. So why don’t you?

There is no great advice for those of us not getting any. You’re bound to bang again.

Maybe my dreams have been pretty intense, but it’s good to know what is causing them and how to fix them. What led me into this desert is not of importance, but rather how I deal with it now. Do I want to hump everything with a penis? Yes, but I think I’ll have more self-control and stick to an old friend, Duracell, for the time being.