Mary Kate Olsen's second fall from grace has Gato so broken up that he can barely move his fingers across the keyboard. In Mary Kate's eyes, Gato sees the plight of a thousand refugees floating in one rubber raft — two of them lighting up cigarettes, and one cutting cheese with a knife.
We tell ourselves conundrums created in our head don't merit the attention of tumults on this mortal coil, but mujeres y caballeros, you don't live to carry the weight of anything that cannot be measured in karats.
Speaking of opportunities for similes and the turn of the corkscrew, Gato promised food and wine jibber-jabber this week. Then Gato realized, for some, buying wine could be as intimidating as an angry nightclub bouncer who doesn't believe Gato is on Jake Gyllenhall's guest list.
Gato first cultivated wine fundamentals from Henry Bishop at Spiagia in Chicago, working high school summers as an eager-to-be-on-the-social page busboy. His knowledge has since grown, but not overflowed, with overpriced words.
Sommelier in the sky, forgive some of Gato's language, we are breaking down the wall of fear between Bacchus and light beer.
We are going to start with South American wine, but before getting a pre-bankruptcy flight on Delta, major pointers for new connoisseurs:
1. Unless one can afford expensive wine regularly, the palate isn't developed enough to differentiate between a $45 and a $145 dollar bottle. Stick to wines between $15 and $50.
2. Don't be afraid to use Wine Spectator magazine as a guide for purchasing. One or two issues are better than any Vino for Dummies. It's also good for buying wines to drink years from now, like when UW football player Lyle Maiava finally opens up his Honolulu steakhouse.
3. Cultivate a relationship with a store where the sellers are knowledgeable and sensitive to budget buyers.
4. You can buy by region, and you should sample by region to familiarize yourself and gain consistent knowledge. France has been consistent. California wine has had some problems of late but there are a few good standbys. Italian, buy Barolo and say no more. For affordability and taste Australian wines, New Zealand wines Argentinean wines and Chilean wines are all great. Portugal is up and coming for reds.
5. Reds with heavier meals, whites with lighter meals, but specifically for salmon and filet mignon. That rule can be broken, and, like hats in restaurants, it usually is.
6. While there are basic descriptive words — apple blossom, plumb, currant, tannin — you don't need to use them. Develop your own taste and analogies. Hombres, that's more likely to, as los Viejo's say, salio el carro, ('start the car' for sex).
Argentina's Mendoza valley produces robust young reds. Gato imagines that drinking these are not unlike French-kissing and caressing Scarlet Johansen in a corner booth.
Chile has better whites that are not unlike dancing close, an all slithery seduction in a snake mating dance with another body all night, then only getting a peck on the cheek goodnight.
The type of wine refers to the grape varietals. Speaking wine in terms of books, Rieslings and fumes are the new chick lit of white wine. Reds like cabernet and malbec are Don Delillo big book reading. Shiraz is usually a good bet when one needs red for those who prefer white. Think of Shiraz as a romantic comedy, co-written by Charlie Kaufmann and Robert Altman.
A wine's popularity can be associated with a certain boom time in the economic history, like California Chardonnay. At bust, it falls far out of favor, an aftertaste of people's foolhardy investments; thus the California chardonnay conundrum. Argentina and Chile have come to the rescue, while Governor Schwarzenegger solves issues in Napa Valley.
"I make every-ting in Cahlifonhia gawúrtztraumer!" The Arnold says, ripping up vines with Wesley Snipes.
Chardonnay from Chile lacks the oaky flavor (aged in oak casks) of the California heyday but there are still some victors.
Carmen Casablanca Valley Chardonnay has hints of pear and light apple. There is a lack of finish, but hey, it cost about $7.
Santa Rita is one of Chile's most consistent vineyards, so you can bet on the name, sleep around with the sisters, commit later.
Like the difficult moods of Buenos Aires beauties, Gato is better versed in the reds of the Mendoza Valley. They start complex and then suddenly, they finish, before you get to know them.
Trumpeter Malbec 2003, is again, only $10.00. It leans from currant to a sweet plumb and has a nice aftertaste usually only reserved for more expensive reds. Malbec, on the budget end, is usually better buy for the money than cabernet in the same category.
One needs to go above $20 for a pleasing full-bodied cab. Alamos Cabernet is one of those exceptions below $20.
Argentineans are angry to hear Gato is recommending their wine with Mexican food but Gato thinks one should leave petty differences at the airport with the stoned National Security Agent screening bags.
In celebration of Wisconsin's German heritage and all the Mexicans living in Waukesha, Gato is making brief-German-presence-in-Mexico Fajitas.
Ingredients:
- One boneless pork chop, 3/4-pound boneless chicken breast
- Green peppers
- 4 cloves of garlic (or to taste)
- 1 green pepper
- 1/2 whole onion, thinly sliced
- 1/2 of small bunch of cilantro
- 1 bottle of amber beer (Capital Oktoberfest)
- Olive Oil
- Flour Tortillas (Manny's or Del Ray)
Cut pork and chicken into thin 1/4-inch strips. Put in two separate bowls; soak in beer for 1/2 hour.
Cut green pepper and onion into thin strips. Cut garlic width wise. Heat stir-fry or other deep pan with olive oil until oil pops. Pour in vegetables. Stir until onions are lightly transparent. Add garlic. Stir for 3 to 4 minutes, then add meat with beer. Let beer boil with meat until outside is white and 1/2 of beer is gone. Drain pan of beer. Stir more olive oil and garlic into meat, leave on medium-high heat, stirring until brown.
Serve meat and vegetable mixture in center of table in hot pan, folding mixture into tortillas.
Select wine per taste, then toast Germany for funny shirts with buckles and Mexico for funny pop music.
Steve's Wine Market 3618 University Ave. 608-233-6193 (Steve's is in front of Copp's across from Hildale Mall)
Next week: Gato instructs you in making dinner for two and as conversation music, interviews singer/songwriter Ricardo Arjona
Following week: For readers missing clothes chatter, Gato introduces his favorite new designers — say hello Charlotte Ronson.
Contact Gato at: [email protected]
