When considering society’s current cell phone infatuation, it is no surprise that a movie featuring our small electronic friend would eventually populate multiplexes around the country. What is surprising is that the new thriller “Cellular,” directed by stunt coordinator David Ellis, is the first movie to attempt this feat. After all, haven’t we been living, breathing and practically eating cell phones for years now? Why is this the first movie about those annoying preoccupations, without which, of course, most of us couldn’t survive? Who knows?
This satisfying, nifty little action caper about a young man who unwisely picks up his cell phone and finds himself smack dab in the middle of a kidnapping conspiracy sure doesn’t. It’s got enough to worry about, what with the film’s ridiculously over-the-top plot that begins with a kidnapping and ends with a shoot-out at the beach. What happens throughout the movie, however, makes “Cellular” a fun bit of predictable late summer fluff.
Jessica Martin (a beautifully aged Kim Basinger, fresh off this summer’s snooze fest “The Door in the Floor”) says goodbye to her young son, walks into her large suburban home and is immediately attacked and abducted by a group of five men. They kill her housekeeper, so we know they mean business.
Cut to the set of “The O.C.” where we are introduced to Ryan and his surfer dude friend (Chris Evans and Eric Christian Olsen, both from the stinker parody “Not Another Teen Movie”), yukking it up and gawking at big breasted, scantily clad women — who else would be hanging around the set of “The O.C?” “Seventh Heaven” alum Jessica Beals drops by to rag on Ryan, calling him “irresponsible, self-centered and childish.” Of course, Ryan soon proves himself a changed man — big shocker! — after he answers his cell phone, hears poor Jessica Martin on the line demanding his immediate aid, and proceeds to do exactly as she asks.
Since we last saw her, Jessica has been locked in an attic somewhere and has miraculously managed to operate a smashed phone. Now she needs Ryan’s help, because the kidnappers plan to find and kill both her son and husband for reasons unknown to her. As preposterous as this may seem to the average person, Ryan is up to the tasks that she demands of him, which include high speed car chases, auto theft, holding people at gunpoint, tailing the evil kidnappers and eventually participating in hand-to-hand combat with them.
All the while, poor, overwhelmed Ryan has to make sure that his cell phone is charged, the signal strength is solid and there is no third party interference. Phew! But herein lies the joy of the movie: Evans, resembling a less chiseled Nick Lachey, is intrinsically likeable; he’s no James Bond and certainly doesn’t try to be. He handles what the plot requires him to do with a wink and a nod, and often his scenes are the most exciting and fun. Basinger, on the other hand, is at her most fragile, quaking with fear and anxiety at every turn. Her scenes in the attic provide a necessary contrast between those on the streets of L.A., and not just aesthetically, although the dark, dank attic produces a shocking dissimilarity to the bright, sunny, seemingly smog-free L.A., where the majority of the film takes place. But emotionally, the activities of the two different locales couldn’t be more different, and this provides the majority of the movie’s intensity. After all, Ryan may be under pressure, but he still gets to pretend he’s a superhero, and truth be told, it’s really not his butt that’s on the line. Jessica, however, has nothing to do but acknowledge that her greatest nightmares are coming true and hopes to God that this kid knows what he’s doing. And that his phone doesn’t die.
“Cellular” doesn’t break any new ground. It’s the same thriller formula that’s been circling Hollywood for decades. So what? These days it’s hard to ask for anything truly original. The film is enjoyable, even though the evil kidnappers are one-dimensional, underdeveloped, benevolent clowns, and their scenes are similarly lackluster. At times the dialogue seems to have been taken directly from previous films of this genre, and the ending is predictable, implausible and overly drawn out. But what about that scene when Ryan storms into an insanely busy cellular store and at gunpoint demands immediate service? Come on, who hasn’t wanted to do that at some point? And what about the invaluable William H. Macy (“The Cooler”), who, as a police sergeant with dreams of owning a day spa, makes an otherwise dispensable character a great joy to watch? For this reviewer, this is one of those rare popcorn movies where the good outweighs the bad. Ultimately, “Cellular” has many underlying themes, and none of them are anything to write home about. They include such standbys as change is possible, corruption is everywhere and day spas are for sissies. But it’s the overarching theme that hits home: cell phones — you can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em. Nowadays, who could argue with that?
Grade: B
