Gold chains, bright velour pantsuits, groovy catchphrases like “Oh, behave!” … all definitive criteria of Austin Powers’ swinger lifestyle. The man who put the “grrr” in “swinger,” Powers typifies society’s vision of what a swinger should be. Constantly sipping on cocktails with such “wicked” names as Slippery Nipple and Sex on the Beach, seducing “birds” with his infallible mojo and shagging an endless stream of willing women, the International Man of Mystery is an example of everything suburban “squares” supposedly condemn.

But what if it were really the uptight suburbanites engaging in group sex and communal fondling? Welcome to the world of modern swingers.

The word “swingers” may bring to mind mass orgies of free-loving hippies in the back of seedy clubs, but this dated stereotype couldn’t be more wrong. Nowadays, swingers are more likely to be the postman or your next-door neighbor, not a 2003 version of Austin Powers. In fact, www.swinging.com says that the average swinger can best be described as “the couple in line behind you in the grocery store.” Terry Gould, author of the book “The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers,“ found that most swingers are suburbanite baby boomers with educations, careers and families.

So if swingers aren’t the sex-crazed bohemians we thought them to be, then what exactly is swinging? Swinging is commonly defined as a form of recreational sex between consenting adults, and it most commonly consists of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. Though single people are also involved to a limited degree, swinging is generally relegated to heterosexual couples.

Swinging can involve anything from flirting with other people to full-blown group sex. Modern-day swinging takes the free-loving ideals of the ’60s and ’70s and adds the elements of safe sex and regulation in order to create a community for those who want to expand their sexual horizons.

Not yet sold on the idea that the gingham-wearing, cookie-baking head of the PTA down the street could very well be engaging in rampant orgies behind closed doors? Maybe a look at the history of swinging could convince you.

Swinging actually originated in a suburban environment, not Studio 54’s VIP lounge. During World War II, U.S. Air Force pilots were the nation’s earliest known swingers. Due to the high fatality rate of the young pilots, couples on Air Force bases formed extremely tight friendships with each other, and polygamy among pilots’ wives and other pilots became acceptable. The media caught on to the new practice of “wife-swapping” in 1957, and by 1960, there were more than 20 widely available magazines that carried “swinger” ads.

These magazines provided a medium through which the first swinger parties could advertise, and eventually entire clubs built for swingers began to appear in the late ’60s. Dr. Robert McGinley founded the first organization of swingers, The Lifestyles Organization, in 1975 and went on to form the North American Swing Club Association in 1979 to promote the public’s image of swinging and provide a set of standards for swing clubs nationwide.

Swing clubs are places where couples go to meet other couples who might be interested in having sex with them. Some clubs allow sex on the premises, but others just serve as a meeting place for people, so the actual sex has to take place in a private home or hotel room. Swingers also throw “parties” for other swingers, and couples are encouraged to get to know other couples in the hopes of forming some sort of relationship, be it sexual or not.

Swinging is meant to be a purely social activity, of course, and it is not recommended for couples who are not already secure in their relationship or those looking to repair a dwindling sex life. If a couple is not already strong going into the experience, it is very unlikely that the swinging lifestyle will help them in any way, and they will probably end up having a bad experience.

Swinging is meant to enhance a relationship, not repair it.

Swingers also do not encourage the drugging and drinking that one might expect to go on in such a hedonistic environment. In fact, first-time swingers are preferred to be completely sober so that they will not feel ashamed or guilty the day after an event. There is also a strong emphasis on “Swinger Etiquette,” which includes being yourself, being polite no matter what, being courteous and aware of others’ comfort levels (especially your partner’s), cleanliness, not being pushy, respecting someone’s decision to practice safe sex and enjoying yourself.

Swingers are big supporters of the phrase “no means no.”

How popular is this lifestyle, one might ask? Well, www.sexuality.org estimates that there are currently about 3 million swingers nationwide, which suggests that between .5 and 2 percent of U.S. couples think of themselves as swingers. Some Web sites even claim that 50 percent of swinger couples have sex four or more times a week, compared to the paltry 16 percent of the rest of the population who enjoy sex that frequently. So in theory, swingers not only have more partners, they are also having more sex.

While swingers have improved their practices of safe sex greatly since the free-loving days of the ’60s and ’70s, the lifestyle is still a high risk for STD and HIV infection, so if you do plan on going group, remember to be extra careful, and always, always, always use protection.

If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be? What if you could do it with anyone in the world, dead or alive — who would it be? E-mail me at [email protected] and I promise not to reveal your dirty little secrets to anyone.