In the course of the last week, I’ve come across a disturbing number of things dealing with music, students and the culture surrounding both that have brought me to the brink. Maybe it’s cabin fever and being sick of trudging around in the cold, but it’s time to air the grievances. You may be one of the people I bring up in the course of this article. Don’t feel bad–I may be the only person that you are pissing off, but here are ten things in no particular order that need to go.
–The guy who brings his open-air headphones to the quiet study area of the library so that everyone can hear him listening to some country crap at the highest possible volume. What kind of person goes to the quiet section of a library and listens to loud music? The attention deprived. So do everyone a favor with your “O Brother Where Art Thou?” soundtrack and STAY HOME! No one cares about your weak taste in music, ok brah?
–The people who walk around Vilas Hall listening to DJ music while making arm and hand movements as if they are scratching a record. You’re not scratching a record, you’re not impressing anyone and no one wants to hear you scratch at some bad frat party–so stop looking like a jerk.
–People who know every little fact about Dave Matthews. No one cares where Dave was born, what Dave likes to eat or where Dave is touring, but there are a lot of people who are going to collectively vomit on your desk if you keep living vicariously through Dave. Get a life.
–Sum 41. Just because you make goofy faces and are from Canada doesn’t give you an excuse to suck and get more press than the multitude of deserving Canadian bands.
–Alien Ant Farm. At first, the Michael Jackson cover seemed funny. But like all weak bands that get their start on a cover song, it’s time for them to give it up. Lump the members in a bin with the guys from Orgy who still think that people want to hear them play “Blue Monday.”
–Everyone who wears non-prescription, thick-rimmed black eyeglasses for aesthetics and always moans when they find out a friend of theirs is listening to a band that has sold more than 300 records or is reading a music magazine that has a subscriber base. These are the same people in your film classes who whine about the evil Starbucks empire, combat their chain smoking with Fantasia fruit drinks and scoff at anyone who could care less about Clinic and The White Stripes, so tell these Clark Kent look-alikes to give it a rest.
–Publicists who send out press material about little-known or aging bands and proceed to recite a list of past “hits” from old albums even though no one except the band’s family has ever heard any of these so called “hits.” If it hasn’t burned up the charts, don’t call it a hit, please.
–Drunk people who raise their plastic beer cup in front of the stage at rock shows and proceed to do a dumb dance with their arm in the air. This went out in the ’80s, along with Bongo Jeans and shark jackets. Step out of the time warp and get with it.
–Alice In Chains. Are we ever going to get an entirely NEW album? You can only release so many greatest-hit records and compilations. Get Layne off the smack and into a cold shower and then get back in the studio.
–MTV. John Norris looks like he should be in a circus museum, Sway needs to get hooked on phonics because he can’t read and Iann Robinson’s metal shtick is as tired as the bands he listens to. The only saving grace of the idiots who run the station is “Cribs.”
So that’s the list. You may agree, you may not–but that’s what an editorial is for. So until the next batch of annoyances, that’s all for now.
