Just as I suspected! The students of this great university do need the occasional pointing in the right direction! Well, folks, that’s my job, and I’m here to do it. A sincere thank you goes out to those brave souls who put their ideas to ink and wrote in. As for the other 45, 987 people walking around campus, I’ll be waiting patiently for you to get with it! Free advice, people! Sigh — let’s go to our first letter, shall we?

Greetings Doctor J.,

I have a question for you that has long been debated among the members of my dwelling. I am an advocate of urinating, or “pissing,” if you will, while showering. Let’s face it, the liquid all goes to the same place, and it’s not like the urine is staying in the water flow for a long time. Plus, it is fun! My co-dwellers maintain that the urine must have a detrimental effect on the feet, if not the tub itself. So, esteemed practitioner of medicine, are there any negative effects of peeing in the shower? Thanks a mint.

Yellow Foot

Yellow Foot,
What a surprise! I thought the fine art of peeing in the shower got lost somewhere in the Middle Ages, but as it turns out, after polling some anonymous acquaintances, that at least everyone has tried this at least a few times, and no one has died yet. Yes, I too have given into the intense urge to just “let it go,” so don’t worry too much. After all, it all goes to the same place anyway, right? Well, we think. In truth, the only concern is that, upon recent study, our city water purification might not be at A-plus standards right now. It’s something to think about. The urine is sterile, however, and doesn’t affect the feet or react with the lining of the tub, so you should be safe there. Next time, though, try eating a whole bunch of asparagus and watch it change colors as it hits the floor. I’m sure your roommates will really appreciate that.

Dear Johnny,

I need advice on how to deal with this problem: I live with three girls, and one of them has a boyfriend who spends the night about three to four times a week. He works very early in the morning, so he and my roommate go to sleep early in the evening. The last two times he’s been over, I have heard them having sex. Not moans, just the bed knocking against the wall. I know she’d be really embarrassed if I said anything to her, but what do I do? Both my other roommates agree with me that it’s gross — and they’ve heard the two of them at it before too! Help us!!

Way Too Much Info

My Dear Way Too Much Info,

Unless you’re in the mood to throw a disco party to the steady bang of the headboard against the thin walls, this is an annoying problem. Usually, the use of the fist against the wall and “What’s going on in there?!” is a temporary solution to the problem. This way, she’ll think it’s a joke, but will be embarrassed enough to go somewhere else to shag. If she’s really a friend, though, communication is the best way. Approach her as if it were a joke, and then she’ll feel more comfortable, as will you. Remember, it’s better not to gang up on her. Just mention it casually, and the feeling of awkwardness should hopefully slide away. Then again, they may just be moving furniture. Right.

That’s all this week! I should mention that I will field all your questions. If they’re medically related, however, I am not a professional, so a second opinion might not hurt. Be sure to write in to me, Dr. Johnny Problems, at [email protected] and learn about life, love and loud roommates.