Sarah:

Move over Franco, a spiritual world-leader is quintessential Oscar host

After winter break, after the Badgers win the Rose Bowl, after the spring semester unfolds and we’ve dropped our 7:45 a.m. lectures – it will be February. And with this month will come the 83rd annual Academy Awards. Anne Hathaway and James Franco will be prestigiously filling the shoes of Oscar hosts many years past; film icons such as Bob Hope, William C. deMille and Billy Crystal.

It cannot be easy to determine who, out of every actor and actress in Hollywood, would best represent the Academy onstage. It is a Herculean task each year, judging by the vivacity with which we all wait in anticipation to hear who will be hosting (and hold nothing back when criticizing bad hosts…Chris Rock). However, this year’s picks were truly born to host the Oscars. Where Hathaway has the charming sense of humor necessary for a good host, and overflows with gorgeous poise, Franco’s sideways smile will serve an ideal purpose in warmly congratulating award-winners.

But what happens when you don’t happen to come across two perfect starlets for this esteemed role? What if there’s some sort of talent generational gap that prevents any worthy hosts from being found? Then, Ann and I surmise, they would just have to bring in whatever familiar face was available, however unlikely.

Someone who will always be around in the Academy’s time of direst need – literally, because he is continually reborn to spiritually enlighten others – is the Dalai Lama. This is someone who is respected transcending religions, and would undoubtedly command audiences’ attention all the way through to the “Best Picture” announcement.

Those tuning in from home might even be inspired to philosophize during commercial breaks – bad news for companies who invest millions of dollars in Oscar-time ads, but most likely good news for humanity. Plus, he has a regularly-updated Twitter account, so if anything this screen time would help to score him more followers.

Ann:

Start beatin’ up the beat: There’s about to be a Situation at this year’s Academy Awards

Though we’re fond admirers of the former teen princess and our favorite “Freaks and Geeks” alum in the cozy Arts Corner, this co-hosting choice seems weird to Sarah and I. Sure, Annie and James will probably make a funny, handsome duo, but do they have the skills to host cinema’s most prestigious night? In some ways, this decision by the show’s producers seems to go against the established pattern of purely comedic hosts. In light of this, we’ve decided to muse about the most unlikely Oscars hosts: The Dalai Lama and The Situation – the epically odd couple.

Both are men of high-prestige and pack a cultural punch, depending on what end of the spectrum you fall on, but let’s face it, what have all the Oscar hosts of yesteryear been missing? A little Jersey.

Deny it as vehemently as you like, but no one would be able to suck the high-brow stuffiness out of those champagne-guzzling, pretentious film aficionados like The Situation. Picture it, Natalie Portman has just won the best actress award and instead of ringing rounds of polite applause, there is a triumphant sea of enthusiastic fist-pumping as house music stifles any boring orchestral crescendo. Plus, you know that in between presenters flashes of The Situation’s overly-tanned abdominal region would be inevitable and would lighten the mood better than any politically-drenched commentary.

Cinema devotees are probably cringing at the very thought of a “Jersey Shore” cast member waltzing around the coveted Oscar stage potentially convincing Helen Mirren she’s DTF, but let me remind you he’s already made a work-out video. Isn’t a hosting gig the next step in the Hollywood ladder of success?

Sip on your haterade all you want, but I think it’s time we bring the GTL philosophy to the Academy Awards.