TONY:

This summer’s hottest films in the ensemble-action-adventure genre look like the result of two ass-kicking captains picking teams from a crop of equally badass individuals. On one side you have “The Expendables,” led by Sylvester Stallone and featuring Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren (aka the tall blonde Russian dude Rocky defeated to end communism) and Mickey Rourke, among others. Then there’s “The A-Team,” a film based on the classic television series and starring Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley and former UFC titleholder Quinton “Rampage” Jackson.

Together, this group of actors creates an action team more formidable than any structure on Earth, both manmade and natural. But when separated, which of the two films will kick the most ass when it hits theaters this summer? Although I have the utmost respect for the action film grandpas of “The Expendables,” the answer here is undoubtedly “The A-Team.”

While “The Expendables” actors are the embodiment of blockbuster action films in the 80s and 90s, it’s time for Hollywood to move on. In the “A-Team,” you have the up-and-coming Copley, who has already shown the ability to wield a gun while slaughtering humans and prawns alike in “District 9.” Although this is his first feature film, there’s also no question that Jackson has what it takes to be an action hero with his martial arts experience. Cooper hasn’t played badass roles in the past, but the character of “Face” is known more for his good looks and success with woman anyway — two traits Cooper will have no problem living up to. To finish it off you have Neeson whose age would suggest he fits better with “The Expendables” crowd, but in reality, the veteran actor only recently earned his status as an action star with the thriller “Taken.”

However, the ensemble cast isn’t the only thing separating these two films. “The A-Team” also benefits from an already established storyline, a much bigger budget (a major key to SFX-driven action flicks), a far more promising kickass trailer and the lovely Jessica Biel. In the end, it’s like the tagline for “The A-Team” says, when it comes to summer action films “There is no Plan B.”

JOEY:

Wait a moment, Tony. Did I just hear you mention storyline? So soon have we forgotten Stallone’s Academy Award nomination? Just because “The Expendables” doesn’t follow the heart-wrenching drama of a washed-up misfit struggling to find success — not only in the ring, but also in the ever-dimming light he calls a life — doesn’t mean “The Expendables” won’t feature Oscar-caliber writing. It’s been 34 years since Stallone’s nomination, which I’m assuming has nothing to do with lackluster talent; he’s definitely overdue.

And now that Dolph “Drago” Lundgren has finally learned his lesson and joined the winning team after suffering a crushing defeat at the hands of Stallone in 15 incredible rounds — ultimately resulting in the downfall of the entire Soviet Union — can you honestly question “The Expendables?” Maybe question whether Stallone was truly a heavyweight when he knocked Drago out of the ring, but you must agree their combination is well over 400 pounds of He-Man Dredd.

With the addition of Mickey Rourke to the cast we can be sure there will be no shortage of adrenaline (read “cocaine”) to keep “The Expendables” “high” on the summer blockbuster charts. You also forgot to mention Randy “The Natural” Couture. Think Rampage’s titles were impressive? Couture held the UFC Heavyweight title thrice, and remains one of only two UFC fighters to hold two different division titles at once. Though his film r?sum? is a flurry of “Man No. 1’s” and “Guard No. 2’s,” there’s no doubt his MMA success translates into acting genius.

“The Expendables” even sports an impressive secondary cast. After manhandling the Californian economy for two terms, Arnold Schwarzenegger makes his return to the silver screen as “Trench,” undoubtedly a ruthless mercenary hardened from his history with invisible aliens, and Bruce Willis steps in as “Church” to end speculation on his acting chops after the box office failure of “Copout.”

John Rambo, decorated with two Medals of Honor, five Purple Hearts, and five Bronze Stars, might ask “The Expendables,” “Sir, do we get to win this time?” My answer is a resounding yes…win by attrition.