Highbrow fare ?American Gladiators? never was. But as far as guilty pleasures go, it doesn?t get any better than watching comically large men and women with names like Gemini and Zap rolling around in human-sized ?atlaspheres? or pummeling people over the head with pugil sticks.
However, there was one redeeming aspect of the original ?American Gladiators.? Underneath the eminently cheesy premise, the show, which ran in syndication from 1989 to 1996, was actually a legitimate sports program. It maintained its focus on the athletic competition between the contestants and the gladiators, and both sides took the challenges seriously (in the case of Nitro, sometimes too seriously). The action was complemented by the astute play-by-play calls of Mike Adamle and the competent and colorful commentary of a revolving cast of ex-NFL players, most notably, Larry Csonka.
Revived this month on primetime by NBC, ?American Gladiators? is no longer a sport. Sadly, now it?s a spectacle. In fact, it?s more than a spectacle ? it is, for all intents and purposes, pro wrestling.
The similarities, of course, start with Hulk Hogan?s presence but run far deeper than his brightly colored spandex and do-rag. The gladiators have crazy names just like the old show, but now they also have their own character gimmicks, like the howling madman Wolf. The ref, meanwhile, isn?t a ref at all but an actor, and everyone else seems to engage in trash talk that sounds scripted. Even audience members hold up signs clearly handed to them by the show?s producers.
A WWE fan probably has no complaints with any of this, and, for the most part, ?Gladiators? remains a fun program to watch. While reruns of the old show don?t feel too out of place on ESPN Classic (where they currently air), the reruns of the current show might feel more at home on TNT. One might recall Ted Turner?s claim that the TNT network ?know[s] drama,? and that?s exactly what the new, revamped version of ?American Gladiators? knows as well.
Sorely lacking is someone with the professionalism of Mr. Adamle. Instead we are treated to the aforementioned Hulkster and Laila Ali, both way out of their element as the new show?s co-hosts. Hulk at least provides a certain camp charm to his spots, while Ms. Ali clearly is trying to emulate the legendary Eric Dickerson in her interview segments (I refer of course to Dickerson as the Monday Night Football sideline reporter, not as the Hall of Fame running back; if she made like the running back and ran away, we?d all be much better off). She?s horrendous. Case in point ? on the show?s first night, she asked a contestant whether or not he was looking to extend his lead in the upcoming event. No, Laila, good contestants intentionally let complacency set in.
The contestants? responses to these inane queries are equally hilarious, since everybody tries to pack as much phony, manufactured attitude into their answers as possible. ESPN might have to bring back Cheap Seats just to mine the wealth of new material provided by this version of Gladiators.
There are other nitpicks to be made with the show. The camera editing is schizophrenic. And the numerous commercial breaks are timed to be as annoying as possible.
Producers also brought the Pyramid event back. Although it is funny to watch, the challenge is still utterly impossible for contestants to win.
Yet the main gripe comes back to the elevation of dramatic elements over actual competition. This completely misses the mark: learning about the lives of these contestants isn?t interesting at all, but watching them dodge the gladiators? shots in Assault or run around them in Powerball sure is.
Whatever. There?s really no need to overanalyze a show like ?American Gladiators.? It?s still fun. Will this version last seven seasons like the original ?Gladiators? did? Certainly not. But it?s not merely an attempt by NBC to run any new programming in the face of the current Hollywood writers? strike either, as some have suggested. There?s actually a market for this, as ?Gladiators? was slated to return long before the writers put down their pens. With some tweaks, perhaps starting with the hosts, the show could still put together a few solid seasons.
Besides, the program has one major saving grace in the retooled and utterly diabolical Eliminator. The new design of the show?s signature event is pure evil: First, scale a wall, then swim underwater, climb the cargo net, hang onto a rolling log, traverse the hand bike, navigate the balance beam, ascend the pyramid, descend on the zip line and, finally, go up the conveyor belt, now equipped with a rope and known as the ?Travelator.?
Frankly, I?ll be tuning in just to see another contestant flail helplessly on it.
