While many found their commutes wet but manageable the first day of class, it was not smooth sailing through the rivers of Park Street for all.
University of Wisconsin sophomore Kevin Donnelly is one such student wallowing in his tears and in the rain outside. Despite checking his myUW about 13 times prior to Wednesday, Donnelly falsely believed his 8:50 a.m. lecture on the neural aspects of taste and smell to begin at 9:30 a.m. Accordingly, Donnelly arrived in class at 9:23 a.m. to jeers and murmured grunts.
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Beset with intense sadness after sauntering to Goodnight Hall, Donnelly paused for comment to reflect on his errors.
“I just don’t understand,” Donnelly said. “I thought I had made the perfect schedule, even though I ended up switching all of my classes two days ago. It really sucks.”
Once he arrived in class, Donnelly shrank into a seat in the center of the front row, as the rest of the class had been filled by students wishing to switch out of their 5:30 p.m. lab section.
Classmates noted Donnelly’s initial nonchalant air turn into utter panic.
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“He walked in with his chai charger from Michelangelo’s,” junior Carmen Walker noted.”He clearly thought he had time to walk from the Capitol to Goodnight Hall this morning. That’s basically like a 5K. He literally walked two miles and he thought he was early.”
While most classmates snickered, Kevin’s best friend Danny offered him a Snickers bar as a condolence. Whether or not Snickers pair well with a chai charger has yet to be confirmed.
When asked to comment on the grievous situation, teaching assistant Stanley Robinson averted the questions at hand.
“I have no knowledge as to who Kevin is,” Robinson claimed. “There are two Kevins in this section and I have yet to decide who is Kevin #1 and Kevin #2. Perhaps this establishes Donnelly as Kevin #2. What really matters here is the intricacies of papillae and their role in determining whether the pickles from Jimmy John’s are too damn salty or not.”
Donnelly wished to remain anonymous at first, but his desire for fame quenched his fear of humiliation. In the future, Donnelly will begrudgingly settle for a chai latte at the Four Lakes Market location of the Bean & Creamery instead of his beloved Michelangelo’s.
