When discussing the breakup between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears, the question isn't really whose side you're on. The real question is: Are you evil or not?

Let's just make this clear: Britney railroaded K-Fed. She took him in when his stock was low and then, like a soulless Wall Street broker cashed in on his stardom, filed for divorce once he got his big break.

First off, look how the two got together. F-Bomb was a backup dancer for Spears. He was young and innocent, having only a single child at the time and trying to build a career for himself and his family, which included his girlfriend Shar Jackson. Then that two-timing Spears came along and seduced K-Fed like the Sirens did to Odysseus or Urkel did to Laura.

After identifying The Notorious F.E.D. as an obvious diamond in the rough, Spears latched onto him, preyed on his youthful inexperience and eventually managed to pry him away from his family.

Not only did Spears try to steal away the loving father and boyfriend from his family, she did it while Jackson was pregnant with the couple's second child. That's home-wrecking that even Tim "The Toolman" Taylor couldn't pull off.

So Spears hitched her wagon to Mr. Fed, a rising star. She set the hook with a marriage ceremony that was prefaced by a 60-page prenuptial agreement. Sixty pages is longer than the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Louisiana Purchase and my fifth grade paper on Santa's reindeer (titled "Oh Deer: How Santa Gets Around") combined! Now if that doesn't say she was planning all of this from the beginning, then I don't know what does.

I bet she even wore white at that wedding.

It wasn't long before Federline's budding talent burst out, in the form of the underappreciated American television classic series "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic," which surely missed out on an Emmy nomination only because it was just too awesome to even nominate, since it would sweep the ceremony and prompt the Emmy's to henceforth be called the "Chaotics." It was either that, or that no-talent popster was enough of an anchor to tank the series.

So, it didn't take long before Brat-ney got herself knocked up with Federline's third kid, obviously not caring that he already had plenty of paternal responsibilities to handle. But it gave the former Mouseketeer leverage for when K-Fed hit it big, which was only a matter of time.

Like a package from Ted Kaczynski, the Fedster eventually blew up and exploded onto the music scene. His first record, Playing With Fire, ignited the charts, burning all the way to the No. 151 on the Billboard top 200.

The Federali even had a brilliant marketing strategy of making an appearance on WWE. That was an audience unlikely to ever purchase his album, but after his stellar performance in being body-slammed, he found himself with, at the very least, an arena full of new customers.

Now, I know that Miss "I'm so addicted to Britney I'm going to dress up as her for Halloween" is going to point out that K-Fed has only been credited with 6,000 sales. That is because he has sold so much that the sales counter, like a '69 Beetle, hit all 9s and reversed back to zero. That's how much he sold. Plus, who are you going to listen to? A girl who claims Oshkosh as the cultural epicenter of Wisconsin? Please.

So now, after the man who put the "F" in fantastic makes his mark in the Hollywood scene, Spears snatches the rug out from under him.

She will undoubtedly just sit back and collect on an outrageous child support. She's just Anna Nicole Smith with more children. I'm convinced she has a pitchfork and some devil horns somewhere — check that. They've probably been plastic surgery-ed off, along with the rest of her.

K-FED, WHAT WHAT!