So the Monday Night Football Telethon Extravaganza came and went with great success.

There were two great games, both flowing flawlessly despite the fact that there were two unorthodox games on Monday. Unfortunately, the feel-good story Saints could not pull off their second straight victory, but at a time like this, there are obviously bigger things to worry about.

The telethon, which featured numerous stars who volunteered their time, brought in more than $5 million to be donated to the Bush-Clinton Katrina Fund.

Needless to say, the entire event was an awesome outreach by all who participated and all who donated and a great effort by the NFL. The entire situation was win-win, except for the Cowboys of course, who found a way to squander away their fourth-quarter lead.

Obviously the big picture was aiding those who lost so much due to Katrina, and that in itself is what motivated people to make the donations they did. But when else in your life are you going to get the opportunity, not only to help people, but to talk to legends when doing so?

Just imagine some of the conversations that could be had with some of these people — I know I did. But please, bear with me as you read these. I am in no way trying to make a mockery of the telethon, just having a little fun with it.

Here are some of the following discussions I could only hope happened Monday night with:

ESPN personality Jeremy Schaap:

"Aw, man … Jeremy Schaap? Well, I'll tell you what, I was going to give 500 bucks, but just because I got hold of you, I'll give $1,000 if you will stop trying to be your dad for once. Hell, I'll give you $2,000 if you never show up on Outside the Lines ever again."

Early-morning show/game-show host Regis Philbin:

Me: "Hey Reg, what's going on?"

Philbin: "How much would you like to donate?"

Me: "I don't know, can I use a lifeline?"

Philbin: "Good one."

Me: "No, seriously, I'd like to phone a friend, could you put Kathie Lee Gifford on the line?"

Philbin: "Kathie's not here but I'll put you on the line with Frank (Gifford — also manning the phones Monday night)."

Frank: "I hear you need some help making a decision."

Me: "Yeah, but Reg says I only have 30 seconds. Don't you miss being in the booth tonight?"

Frank: "Yeah, but I've gotten used to it."

Regis: "Okay time's up."

Me: "He was no help, I guess I'm gonna need to ask the audience."

Regis: "Aw, hell, call back some other time."

With Danny Kanell, former Florida State quarterback who apparently also played in the NFL:

Danny Kanell? The Danny Kanell who threw for 5,000 passing yards … in his career? "Oh, I must have the wrong number." Click.

With former running back and former Monday Night Football sideline reporter Eric Dickerson:

"Yo, Eric, remember when you were the MNF sideline reporter and not this fill-in Sam Ryan? …Yeah, I don't remember that too well either. It was pretty short-lived and every time you came on the screen, I wasted a few more brain cells and a few more minutes of my life. That's cool, though. Anyway, where's Melissa Stark, did she drop off the face of the Earth? What do you mean 'who is Melissa Stark'? She was on the opposite side of the field every Monday! 'What field'? Are you kidding me? Whatever. Here's some cash."

You've got to understand that a conversation that long with Dickerson these days is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You must also realize that a conversation that long with E.D. would probably last an entire quarter of one of the games.

But this next one, by far, would be one of the best conversations of your life, and I'm sorry that I only realized it after the telethon was over because this would have culminated my being.

With former Dolphin wide receiver Mark Duper:

Me: "Dupe, good to hear from you, man. Loved you in Tecmo Bowl. Say, what do you think made the Dolphins so good in that game? Were you and Marino that good, or did Tecmo just give you a really good playbook?"

Duper: "I don't know, man."

Me: "Of course you don't. Put on a guy who does know a little something about the game: former Giant Carl Banks."

Banks: "I hear you want to talk some Tecmo."

Me: "Yeah, I was just wondering how it felt to be overshadowed by Lawrence Taylor."

Banks: "They made LT so good that it was like cheating to use the Giants on that game, man. So if you really wanted to prove yourself a good Tecmo player, you should've just used me every time. Then again, you've got to remember the most underrated player on that game."

Banks/Me (simultaneously): "Mark Bavaro!"

Banks: "Damn right. Go Giants!"