It seems all people want to talk about these days in relation to the wonderful world of college football is the BCS. Four unbeaten teams (sorry Utah and Boise State, you don’t count) are vying for two spots in the national championship game, which just so happens to take place in the Orange Bowl this season.

Who’s going to get hosed?

Auburn? Wisconsin? The entire nation just cannot wait to have the opportunity to get its undies in a bunch over a BCS controversy. But people, there is a much more intriguing race at the other end of the spectrum: the battle for the title of worst team in America. Yeah, the power conferences boast their fair share of BCS contenders, but they also have a solid selection of horrible, horrible teams. So, who has the honor of donning the dunce cap in 2004? Let’s meet the contenders.

Arizona (2-7, 1-5): New head coach Mike Stoops most likely will turn the struggling Wildcat program around, but this is not the season the winning ways of the ’90s return to ‘Zona. After notching a season-opening 21-3 win over Northern Arizona, U of A proceeded to lose its next seven games. Utah, Wisconsin, Washington State, UCLA, Oregon, California and Oregon State all own wins over Arizona this season.

However, last weekend the Wildcats may have officially removed themselves from the running for the worst squad in the PAC-10 as well as the country by picking up their second victory of the season at the expense of the hapless Washington Huskies.

Don’t worry, ‘Zona fans. Basketball season is beginning (this will emerge as a common theme in this examination).

Central Florida (0-9, 0-6): The Mid-American Conference has been receiving a lot of props in recent years thanks to underdog surprises like Marshall and Bowling Green. Well, this year it’s time to give the MAC its dues for producing one of the worst teams in recent memory. Like Arizona, UCF is beginning a new era under head coach George O’Leary, who is expected to bring credibility (insert joke here) to the program. This season, all the Golden Knights have collected are losses, nine of them to be precise.

Currently the “kick the crap out of UCF” club consists of Wisconsin, West Virginia, Penn State, Buffalo, Northern Illinois, Akron, Miami of Ohio, Marshall and Ohio.

Central Florida has made progress, though. Last week, it nearly beat Ohio, falling in overtime 17-16 after kicker Matt Prater missed a potential game-tying extra point. The Golden Knights have only one rusher averaging more than 4.0 yards per carry, Curtis Francis, who has just seven carries on the year.

Duke (1-8, 0-6): The Blue Devils are long removed from the days of Steve Spurrier and Anthony Dilweg. So far, in fact, that it’s hard to remember when they didn’t stink. Duke has just one win to its credit in 2004 and it was a 28-10 win over the Citadel Oct. 2. The population is much higher in the loss column, where Navy, Connecticut, Virginia Tech, Maryland, Georgia Tech, Virginia, Wake Forest and Florida State have all established residence. Don’t worry, Dukies, you can start camping out in coach-who’s-last-name-I-don’t-want-to-spell-ville anytime now.

Illinois (3-7, 1-6): One of three lousy teams hailing from the Big Ten, the Fighting Illini have taken a mighty stumble since the glory days of Simeon Rice, Kevin Hardy and company. Illinois does have three wins on the season, though none of them are going to impress anyone, especially the administrators preparing to hand head coach Ron Turner his pink slip. UI knocked off Florida A&M 52-13 Sept. 4, snuck by Western Michigan 30-27 Sept. 18 and rallied to defeat the Indiana Hoosiers 26-22 last weekend, thanks to 12 unanswered fourth-quarter points. In doing so, the Illini may have taken themselves out of the running for the Big Ten’s dunce cap.

Indiana (3-6, 1-5): By losing to the lowly Illini, the Hoosiers successfully destroyed the momentum they had accumulated by beating the gutless Minnesota Golden Gophers. Thanks to Antwaan Randle El, there once was a time when Indiana was bad, but at least entertaining. That’s not really the case anymore. Kentucky, Michigan State, Michigan, Northwestern, Ohio State and Illinois have handed Indiana its six losses on the season, one that began on a promising note after back-to-back wins over Central Michigan and Oregon.

Kentucky (1-8, 0-6): Top to bottom, the SEC just might be the best conference in the land. Thus, someone has to be the punching bag. The rest of the league is rocking the Wildcats in Foreman-esque fashion. Louisville, Florida, Ohio, Alabama, South Carolina, Auburn, Mississippi State and Georgia have all taken swings at Kentucky and all of them have scored knock-out blows. Only the Indiana Hoosiers have been bad enough to drop a game to the Wildcats, a 51-32 contest Sept. 18.

Don’t fret Kentucky fans, Tubby Smith’s squad is ready to hit the hardwood.

Penn State (2-7, 0-6): Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Whether he realizes it or not, Joe Paterno’s team has become the laughingstock of the Big Ten. Despite a very solid defense, the Nittany Lions and their junior-varsity offense have managed to beat only Akron and Central Florida this season, while losing to Boston College, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Purdue, Iowa, Ohio State and Northwestern.

Zack Mills, once regarded as the premier quarterback in the conference, has thrown seven touchdowns against 10 interceptions this season, while the once-promising Michael Robinson does not appear ready to translate his athleticism and talent into production. Oh, and it gets worse for PSU. There’s no basketball season to look forward to. Those Nittany Lions are equally bad.

Temple (1-8, 0-4): Not only are the Owls fighting for their first conference win, they’re fighting to remain in Division I-A. Despite the exploits of stud quarterback Walter Washington, Temple has beaten just Florida A&M in 2004 and has lost to Virginia, Maryland, Toledo, Bowling Green, Pittsburgh, Rutgers, Connecticut and West Virginia. Every loss suffered by the Owls has been by a double-digit point spread.

Washington (1-8, 0-6): Of all the power-conference teams, none may be as futile as the Huskies. Congrats to the PAC-10 for producing this specimen. After losing the lowly anticipated matchup with Arizona, Washington has cemented itself as the worst team in a league with a BCS tie-in. Much of the praise for that accomplishment must be directed toward quarterback Casey Paus, whose stellar stat line includes a 41.7 percent completion percentage, a 79.7 rating and a three-to-11 touchdown-to-interception ratio. The only team bested by Washington thus far has been San Jose State, 21-6 Oct. 9. Everyone else, that would be Fresno State, UCLA, Notre Dame, Stanford, Oregon State, USC, Oregon and Arizona, has faired much better against the whimpering Huskies.

So who claims the crown? Thanks to their strength of schedules (in this case, playing and losing to really bad teams helps) Central Florida and Duke would earn berths in the toilet bowl, with the Golden Knights being the odds-on favorites to claim the dunce cap. Congrats, fellas.