Hell is closing in on me … and it is a fiery hell that is filled with textbooks. From the doom and gloom float mired thoughts of a sea of personal-finance questions that I struggle to comprehend. Yes, the dreaded midterms have arrived with their usual pre-Halloween slap to the face.

While it may have seemed like a good idea to sleep through class and read novels on the occasion that you actually attended earlier this semester, you have now realized that you are about to take a whipping that even a redheaded stepchild from Saskatchewan has not tasted before. And all for what? For a few points that will translate into a letter grade?

Well, if I’m being subjected to grading then I think it is time that I hand out a few midterm grades of my own. For once I will be the person at the front of the class telling humorless jokes (wait, I do that every week) and grading the tests. This could be fun.

We’ll start with the apparent star pupil.

In the school of Wisconsin sports Bo Ryan is receiving an A on his midterm. Coming to Wisconsin, his numbers were impressive, but fans and alumni alike were calling for a big-name hiring. In retrospect, this may turn out to be the best hiring that Pat Richter has ever made. Certainly no one ever expected a run to the top of the Big Ten last season but he set out and accomplished it in his first year.

In Ryan’s second year at the helm of the UW program things only seem to be getting better. The Badgers have brought in a recruiting class that appears to have the best athletes Wisconsin has seen since the days when Michael Finley graced the Field House with his presence. Ryan did it with a young group last year, a group that he did not recruit. A difficult test for any coach; Ryan passed with flying colors.

Granted it is early, and one season does not make a career, but there appears to be no reason that the historically successful Ryan shouldn’t continue to be so in the future.

Can Ryan continue the momentum? Keep an eye out for recruiting news during the early signing period around Nov. 20 when Brian Butch, a 7-footer from Appleton, has stated he will make his decision. UW is in the running along with Marquette, Arizona, Kansas and North Carolina for this prep star.

Barry Alvarez, on the other hand, is not having a landmark year, and he isn’t coming off from a Rose Bowl, or a bowl birth of any kind, for that matter. For suffering through what is beginning to look like his second-consecutive sub-par year Alvarez will be receiving a D+ on his midterm.

It is true that Wisconsin football was certainly nothing to talk about when he took the job, but Alvarez has raised the bar for football at UW and with it has gone fans expectations. After winning a third Rose Bowl there was talk of National Championships in the future.

Unrealistic? Yes, but the team has not only not gotten better, they have been moving rapidly in opposite direction since their last Rose Bowl. Recently, Wisconsin fans got a look at what a traditional Barry Alvarez-coached team looked like. The problem was that they were wearing Ohio State jerseys.

Wisconsin won Rose Bowls through a dominant running game, an effectively minimal passing attack and a defensive secondary that made tackles and big plays.

Two years ago, when the Badgers slipped, it was thought that the spread offense was taking over the Big Ten, and Wisconsin couldn’t be competitive without it. Looking around this year, the same old power football teams are out in front, and the Badgers don’t appear effective, even when they try and line it up and run like they did in their glory days.

For students, a low midterm might mean dropping the class. This isn’t a luxury Alvarez has. His goal after three games in the Big Ten is to right his sinking ship. Not that a passing grade at the end of the season is beyond reach. Three losses would quickly be forgotten if UW were to win out in the Big Ten.

The third member of this class is Mike Eaves. However, Eaves receives no grade. Instead he receives an incomplete, because he hasn’t been around long enough for a true measurement to be taken.

What we do know is that in his time heading the UW hockey program, things once again seem to be moving in the right direction after several sub-par seasons closed out the legendary Jeff Sauer’s career.

Hired last March, Eaves immediately went to work recruiting for UW. A former US-Developmental, coach Eaves has kept his hand in the cookie jar, securing commitments from many of the players he coached just last year.

So far the team is off to a very respectable 3-1 start, but no one really knows exactly what to expect from this team. Likely as not, the Badgers will have the same kind of season they had last year and finish in the middle of the WCHA before making big gains in years to come.

After all, we can’t expect Bo Ryan-like improvements from every new coach at UW, but I won’t mind if Eaves surprises us all the way Ryan did last year.

While it was nice to wander through UW’s athletic scene doling out grades like my name was Pat Richter I don’t have time to linger, because this isn’t Never-Never Land, pigs don’t fly, the Brewers don’t win and I don’t pass midterms without studying.

May the fires be cooler as I return to educational purgatory.