It is ironic, albeit in a thoroughly gloomy manner, that the same month the U.S. Senate failed to rescind the military’s draconian “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, no less than four gay teenagers across the country took their own lives in seemingly desperate attempts to escape the ridicule and isolation thrust upon them by their peers and others.
Each of the victims were between the ages of 13 and 18, and up until the time of their deaths they each faced harassment – in most cases vicious bullying – by fellow students. For all those who thought we were finally pulling away from the hysterical, anti-homosexual attitudes of the past, this September persuasively indicated that homophobia isn’t a dying relic of a fading generation but a neurosis with considerable consequences for the future.
Seth Walsh, 13, Billy Lucas, 15 and Asher Brown, 13, all committed suicide after reporting being harassed by classmates. According to one of Walsh’s friends, peers would tell him he should kill himself. Billy Lucas was also told to go kill himself repeatedly by classmates. This sort of bullying goes way beyond what is normally chalked up to the common cruelty of middle and high school students. It’s truly shocking that a developed, modern society with such freedoms and history of social advancement as ours can develop such monstrous attitudes in children not even old enough to drive.
In the aftermath of these tragic deaths, many have called out school administrators and other authority figures close to the victims. Undoubtedly, better bullying prevention and counseling would have been helpful; however, simply trying to suppress bigoted attitudes will not make them go away. Lucas’ sister was on to something however, when, after his death she noted that “the community let us down.” Going further, I’d argue that the parents who allowed or even seeded their children with such ignorance and hatred can rest assured that their dereliction of parental duties helped pave the way for the depression and ultimate suicide of these gay teens.
Unfortunately, last month’s deaths are part of a trend long established and regularly revised: the suicide rate of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people is markedly higher than it is for straights. A shrewd observer can reasonably come to the conclusion that we live in a sick society, still in a mortal struggle with bigotry and hate. The social climate for most gay teenagers, especially in rural parts of the country, nurtures homophobia more or less discreetly. Everywhere from the church to the media to family members to politicians, intolerance and anti-homosexual sentiment are espoused and defended as a legitimate attitude based upon ‘traditional values.’
Anyone with an ounce of compassion and humility can immediately conclude such arguments oppose the essence of human goodness, morality and tolerance. Most people in this country understand this to one degree or another, so why are we still dealing with so much entrenched bigotry?
First, bigoted views are allowed to be displayed in public with precious little criticism. People like Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Christine O’Donnell and a bevy of the Right’s other assorted demagogues get off the hook too easily when they crack wise about the LGBT community or equate marriage equality with bestiality. It takes something truly horrid to get the public’s attention and create sizable outrage.
The American Left doesn’t get off the hook here either. The LGBT community and its allies have supported the Democrats with nigh unwavering loyalty in recent years only to be tossed scraps from the Super-Majority table. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has been Obama’s one bone to LGBT supporters, despite the fact he could have written it out of existence on January 21, 2009. Gays are still being kicked out of the military and Obama hasn’t mentioned civil unions, much less full marriage equality, for months. At least the Republicans let the public know which side they are on. On the other hand, the Democrats pay lip service to the idea until fighting for equality and respect for minority communities becomes difficult at which point they flip on their bellies and crawl away.
At the end of the day, however, despite all the volleys that might rightfully be hurled upon our political and media leaders for their cowardice and spitefulness, the biggest influence in the community ultimately boils down to each of us individually. Spending just a few hours at the bars this weekend I heard no less than twelve slurs, the majority of which were anti-gay. That I didn’t call those people out and embarrass them exemplifies the cowardly silence many of us exercise in such situations. Attitudes, what is acceptable and what is not, are defined by us and we mustn’t allow bigoted nit-wits to make hate-speech okay by default.
The kids that took their lives last month didn’t have the luxury of going to school with peers that freely and confidently denounced hate-speech and or peers who could offer the compassion and strength the victims so desperately needed. We all need to be such people if anti-gay bigotry is ever going to be put back in the hole from whence it came.
Sam Stevenson ([email protected]) is a graduate student in public health.
