Every election year, politicians blow through Wisconsin with a lot of hot air and grassroots pandering in an attempt to run away with its electoral support. Despite the reality that a Republican candidate has not seduced Wisconsin since Ronald Reagan, it is still a heavily contested territory during elections. Each time, candidates pour an immense amount of time and resources into persuading Wisconsinites they earnestly understand local concerns and are cut from the very same cloth. Every four years, they make a few visits during election season and afterward, Wisconsin completely drops off their radar. If these candidates care so much about Wisconsin, why haven’t they called?
Although celebrity worship is the most popular religion in America today, it is insulting to think Wisconsin would be totally star-struck by a little patronizing baby kissing and handshaking. These politicians are under the impression that Wisconsin’s people are ignorant enough to believe they can be healed simply by touching the hem of their political robes. Despite the blatant repetition of rhetoric used on the national stage, politicians believe these messages only need to be peppered with local color and spoon-fed in person to be eaten up by blue collar audiences.
These political candidates take the same approach to winning swing states as they would to dating. Much like the sleazebags at bars who will hit on a girl to get her hotter friend, these men are willing to fawn over Wisconsinites and do whatever it takes to get to the District of Columbia. With decadent monuments dolling it up like the Whore of Babylon, Washington D.C. has made off with every powerful politician who previously said they cared about Wisconsin and its people. Wisconsin is clearly caught in a cycle of abuse that repeats itself every four years.
This time, Wisconsin has quite a fairytale on its hands. The choice between a young prince charming who vows to give the state better days and an old, rebellious maverick who promises the state untold wealth is a tough decision for any princess to make. But if history has taught Wisconsin anything, it is to enjoy being belle of the ball before the clock strikes midnight on Election Day.
Both candidates in this election are clearly aware of the clout Wisconsin holds on a national level and the importance of gaining its trust. John McCain was quoted in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel saying, “This is a battleground state. There’s no doubt that Wisconsin will be one of those states that decide who the next president of the United States is.” He obviously understands how necessary it is to win its heart and is determined to sweep it off its feet. But speaking for Wisconsin, State Democratic Party Chairman Joe Wineke recently told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, “We don’t consider McCain as being here on a regular basis,” and, “We consider him coming in for a photo op and then leaving.” Evidently, the past has taught Wineke not to get his hopes up because of how these candidates have forsaken his affections in the past. He, like much of Wisconsin, has had his heart broken one too many times.
Yet when it comes to charming the local “Joe Six Packs,” Barack Obama has shown he is more clever than Cupid when drawing his bow. When speaking in Green Bay Sept. 22, he humbly appealed to the Packers fans on their loss to the Dallas Cowboys the day before. He was quoted by the Chicago Sun-Times as saying, “Let’s get this out of the way. I’m sorry about last night but I’ll tell you what, the Bears are 1-2, so I’ll tell you what, we’re having a tougher time.” After the Green Bay crowd began cheering from this heartfelt consolation, Obama said, “This is probably the biggest cheer that a Bears fan has ever gotten from cheeseheads.” Obama knows that nothing tugs at Wisconsin’s heartstrings like football — its only pastime and certainly, its most beloved.
Realistically, these politicians only want Wisconsin’s electoral votes for their strategic value. In the last month of this election, they don’t care about the citizens of Wisconsin any more than they will be legally obligated to as president of the United States. This Nov. 4, Wisconsin is going to have to pick one of the presidential hopefuls as its date to the big dance. But if it knows it’ll soon be kicked to the curb, it should at least play it smart, educate itself on the issues at hand and understand that both politicians are just selfishly granting Wisconsin its 15 minutes of fame.
Casey Skeens ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in French.
