As I people-watch off the top floors of College Library, I
regularly marvel at the difference technology has made in our lives. It?s not
our music players or cell phones that impress me, but rather the diversity. Less
than a century ago, people could pass their whole lives without seeing someone
with a skin color or a culture
other than their own. Now, with globalization making the world a whole lot
smaller, these people aren?t only meeting, congregating and socializing, but
they are dating.
Modernity has brought together couples whose native peoples
once viewed the world as encompassing just a few square miles. Asians and
Hispanics, whites and South Americans, African Americans and Eastern Europeans
? the concept of such radical globalization blows my mind, folks, it really
does. Despite my fascination, in the back of my mind I know it would be naive,
however, to assume we humans would allow a representation of our purest
emotions to go untainted by our most repulsive ones as well.
To preface what I mean, I have to confess my belief that the
phrase ?love is blind? is cute in its innocence but laughable in practice. As
long as our senses are dominated by sight, I am going to maintain a degree of
superficiality, and I will bet my boxers that every damn sighted person deep
down will too. Physical appearance may not affect the level of affection you
hold for your loved one, but you are indeed conscious of the difference in
comparison to your own appearance, and truth be told, less enlightened people
are conscious of it as well.
Some will argue the opposition to interracial relationships
died out along with the ?60s and segregation, and in most ways that is correct.
White America has been educated and guilted consistently enough through the
years that protesting a union of mismatched ethnicities is popularly maligned,
but that is not where interracial relationships most commonly draw ire. It is
ironically us minorities who are usually the ones to express concern over this
issue and, often, our criticism.
Growing up as a first-generation Korean American, I failed
to adhere to most of the expectations and stereotypes my immigrant parents had
for me. I have limited mathematical and scientific talents, my musical attempts
were grand public failures, and I have, at best, a tenuous grasp of their native
tongue. My parents effaced all of this with the hope that I would marry a
Korean woman who would compensate my deficit of culture with the abundance of
hers. Flash-forward to when I started seeing a Caucasian girl. Let?s just say
not exactly the best of dinner conversations followed.
Although Mom and Dad couldn?t care less now, my story is
common among not only Koreans, but all ethnicities. There exists a looming guilt
that somehow by dating outside our race, we are diluting and betraying the
culture that took thousands of years to build. Who will carry the torch of our
past? How will the grandparents relate to the grandchildren? The burden of
remaining true to your heritage comes crashing down on us.
Don?t get me wrong: I am proud to be Korean and do embrace
my heritage fully and passionately. I stand for Asian-American rights and
issues, and I do publicly try to raise awareness for them. But if someone in my
position espouses the value and importance of Asian-American issues, but
chooses to be with someone who is not Asian and embodies none of the values I
so passionately say are important, how can I reconcile the two facts?
And it?s not just from our parents or culture either. Asian
men and African-American women are consistently depicted as unattractive in the
media, so when their counterparts choose to date outside their race, that
popular image of undesirability is compounded and reinforced. When even your
own race seems to find you unattractive, what does that say about you? What
kind of chance do you have of finding anyone? As hypocritical as it may seem,
feelings of animosity subsequently do arise, and mixed-race relationships can
be looked upon with bitterness within minority communities.
Ideally, none of these things would be an issue. We should
be able to choose the desires of our hearts over the responsibilities to our
cultures as well as our peers. Rarely do we get the luxury of being able to
chase our passions without having to juggle our obligations and loyalties, and
no matter how romantic one may be, these are realities that must be dealt with.
But as Valentine?s Day approaches, so does the reminder that despite it all,
it?s all worth it if you?re with someone you love.
Charles Lim ([email protected])
is a junior with no declared major.
