Now that the bacchanalian revelry of Halloween has come and gone, students can begin not to focus on what is important to them: the banality of participating in the epitome of a democratic society. With the Nov. 7 elections approaching fast, and an opportunity to challenge a decade of Republican control of both Houses, students can rest assured that their opportunity to vote would be better spent doing a number of things they are better equipped to handle, such as listening to music, napping, or procrastinating. Focus on your strengths, America's college student, and follow my lead. Don't vote — as if you needed me to tell you that!
I don't know about you, but I'm entrusting my vote to an as yet unnamed middle-aged person who has no idea what I believe in or stand for. His or her vote may still be worth only one, but I'd like to believe he or she is casting half of that ballot on my behalf. Vote to your heart's content, surrogate voter, for I am apathetic and lazy. You'd need a bulldozer, tangible incentives and a chance at a free iPod to get me to relinquish my paid-for-in-blood right not to raise a finger in the upcoming elections.
There is, after all, no sense in sowing when I will not reap. Or, in the case of elections, no sense in sowing when I know someone else will probably do it for me. Adults, with their fully developed brains, are much more in tune with what is needed for their state and country, anyway. As far as I'm concerned, let me know when there's a public referendum on who is the better football team: Bears or Packers. Because I can tell you that: da bears.
As for this whole governor/attorney general/whozawhatsit — as a college student, I haven't the slightest idea of the issues, nuances or even the names of the candidates. In short, I'm incapable. So why not let a senior citizen vote for me? I'm certain he or she has access to crucial information I am not privy to.
Let's be honest, this election is going to happen with or without my input, and I'd much rather be tweaking my fantasy football lineup than taking part in exercising a right my race has fought for over a century to achieve. What better way to demonstrate my right to a right than by looking said right square in the eyes, acknowledging said right, and subsequently squandering said right? There is no better way of acknowledging my ability and right to do something than by ceasing to appreciate it.
With classes, jobs, friends, various student organizations and recreational opportunities, today's student doesn't have the time to be well informed about the issues, much less vote. Furthermore, registering to vote takes a fraction of the amount of time it took the average student to plan, purchase, and implement his or her Halloween costume. As far as Gerald A. Cox is concerned, any task requiring that kind of time and labor had better come with a set of obvious and immediate benefits. Like being a Halloween costume.
Besides, just where does Gerald A. Cox cast his ballot, anyway? After an arduous 30-second glance at the Office of the Clerk of the City of Madison's website, I found out my polling place is a staggering two blocks away from where I am typing this. In this kind of weather, that long of a walk is suicide. The confusion, frostbite, random animal attacks and all of the collective dangers that accompany a trip to the polls — should they not prove fatal — will far outweigh the benefits received after the casting a ballot.
And what if I make it to my polling place, this magical and to-be-avoided-at-all-costs place of mystery and intimidation? What happens then, I vote? Yet I fail to see the issues as having anything to do with me. Perhaps it's because my mind is too preoccupied with figuring out how I'll deal with the loans, debt and two jobs I work to be able to afford going to school here. With tuition increasing more than 50 percent over the past several years, I have been a little bogged down with financial issues. Let me take a little guess at what's going to affect me, a little ignorant college student, in this year's election: jickety-jack.
The odds are about a million to one that I'll have some sort of horrible accident either while voting or walking to my polling place. Odds are my college student brain will drop the ball, and vote for a third party candidate, squandering my vote and ushering in a world of chaos and, perhaps, communism. I'm not the type to play with fire. I'm not playing those odds. I'm staying home on Election Day.
Gerald Cox ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in economics.
