We've heard it time and time again. Madison is "twenty-five square miles surrounded by reality." We can thank this town's professional protesters, the strong presence of Progressive Dane and the dysfunctional Dane County Board of Supervisors for helping good ol' Madtown procure the title.

But there is something more that contributes to this city's unreality. It is the indoctrination that stifles incoming freshmen as soon as their parents drop them off and the car slowly pulls away from campus, returning to reality via John Nolan Drive.
Welcome to Madison — the town you will come to know and love!

Now, here is the time where I should be giving you some generic verbiage about how you should get involved during your college career and how your attendance here will be some of the best years of your life.

Instead, I will take this opportunity to give you some words of wisdom to ponder before you embark on this esteemed university — wisdom you can rely upon for the rest of your college career.

1. Question professors and intellectual thought. Universities should encourage us to think. This is why they are referred to as the "marketplace of ideas." Do you ever see just one brand of cereal in the supermarket? Of course not. So, why should you only receive one side of debate at this university? Expect more. It's your money and education.
2. When you think of diversity, think beyond multiculturalism. I must admit this campus lacks diversity — intellectual diversity that is. Unfortunately, many of the professors on this campus seem to excel at teaching the course Liberal Indoctrination 101. What better way to coerce students into the ranks of "liberal groupthink?" Don't give way to being a lemming.
3. This campus preaches tolerance — tolerance of homosexuals, racial minorities and gay marriage, among other peoples and things. While the school's higher-ups might like to have you think otherwise, tolerance also includes open-mindedness and respect for family values, Judeo-Christian principles and conservative thought.
4. Progressive Danes in this city are like Chatty Cathy dolls — pull the string and let them blab away, spouting out nothing more than prerecorded phrases of liberal, anti-Bush rhetoric. Fortunately, because Progressive Dane lacks an intelligent and coherent platform, it hasn't been able to survive outside the confines of Dane County. Go figure.
5. The pursuit for "political correctness" is highly overrated. This term has been used extensively on this campus to qualm opposing views and to limit the speech of individuals that might hurt someone's feelings. Last time I checked, there was no constitutional right to not feel offended.
6. Don't take the advice of the administration as the gospel truth. Have fun during your four years here — learn new things, meet new friends, and explore who you really are. But, don't ever substitute these values for those you learned growing up.
7. Despite what your professors may tell you, the United States is not the root of all evil present in the world today. You will undoubtedly have professors who can't resist the urge to use the classroom as their personal soapbox to espouse their hatred toward this country and its values. Don't ever forget what country gives them the right to go on their tirade.

Finally, during your time here, don't forget to sift and winnow for the truth. As you walk up the steps of Bascom Hall to attend one of your first lectures, you will see a plaque at the entrance to the building. It reads, "Whatever may be the limitations which trammel inquiry elsewhere, we believe that the great state University of Wisconsin should ever encourage that continual and fearless sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found."

You may have to look beyond the boundaries of Madison to find the truth. This is preferred. Nonetheless, as you search for the truth during your career here, don't be afraid to speak up. You just might be surprised to find more people singing your same tune.

Welcome to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Class of 2009! I wish you all the very best in your academic and personal endeavors.

Darryn Beckstrom ([email protected]) is a PhD student in the Department of Political Science and a second year MPA candidate in the La Follette School of Public Affairs.