Is there anything more absurd than anniversaries? There are just entirely too many of them. Wedding anniversaries, class anniversaries, anniversaries of inception, foundation, dating, meeting, or anniversaries celebrating something of which we are completely unaware and uninterested. We celebrate even numbered years (10, 20, 50) and the occasional odd number (5, 15, 25). The years that lie in-between are all but meaningless, hardly celebrated and met with little fanfare. Then there is the ridiculousness of treating the 25th year with more importance than say the 26th or 29th. Shouldn’t each passing year be more reason to celebrate than the last?

My parents, god bless them, are celebrating their 28th year of marriage this month. They have the good taste to keep the event relatively low-key and for the most part to themselves. The 25th year was certainly much more of an event. I think my mother was due for a new ring or some other piece of jewelry. I guess I have to give it up to them, though. 25 years of marriage and beyond, especially in this day in age, might truly be something worth commemorating. So wedding anniversaries are not so bad. Lately it seems I’m being inundated with numerous meaningless anniversaries that are about as self-serving as this column (Happy Anniversary Ma & Pa!).

ESPN reminds me everyday, both on television and at their website, that this is their 25th year on the air. We get hours of poorly produced programming recapping the biggest busts and greatest plays in the “ESPN Era.” Stuart Scott, the absolute worst thing to happen to sports media since Magic Johnson’s talk show, hosts these crap-fests, which are completely devoid of any NFL footage. I realize the relatively new, and barely seen, NFL Network has a firm grasp on all the footage, but if an organization wants to promote their own anniversary, they should at least go the full distance. ESPN’s attempts seem pretty half-assed to me.

Yes, I do realize the significance of ESPN’s 25th anniversary. The channel has revolutionized the way people watch sports. I watch it all the time. I think I even have a Chris Berman bobble-head somewhere. But why promote it so much? Really the only people who should care about ESPN’s anniversary are those employed by the institution. If they want to advertise themselves so much, they could at least tell the viewing audience what the acronym ESPN stands for. (Does anyone know? I’m still in the dark on this one.)

Then there is the frustrating anniversary DVD phenomenon. A film reaches a certain 10, 20-year anniversary since its theatrical release and the studios make a new DVD package full of previously unseen amenities and features to commemorate the event and make lots of money. Let me use “Predator” as an example, arguably the Governator’s finest screen role and greatest action flick of the last 25 years.

I liked my old DVD copy of “Predator” just fine. It had the movie itself and just a few mini features detailing the making of the film and some additional information on the cast. I was content with this relatively simple copy. Just recently, the “15th Anniversary Edition DVD” was released, two discs of stuff only a nerd like me could truly enjoy. Of course I forked over the $25. There was just no way around it. Again, burned by commemoration. Never again, I say.

I should mention The Badger Herald is celebrating its 35th anniversary this year. There will be a banquet and a party of sorts, and I guess I will go and I’ll probably enjoy it. The 35th anniversary seems a bit of an odd year even to celebrate. It’s sort of in that in-between vein. But it’s sort of meaningful because it’s where I work. It has personal meaning to me and the other people who work for the Badger Herald. It’s a good opportunity to thank those in the city community who have helped the paper out through the years. But as soon as the Herald starts selling 35th anniversary merchandise or puts together a special commemorative issue, you can count me out.

Drew Hansen is currently celebrating his 9th semester at UW. If you would like to congratulate him, he can be reached via email at [email protected].