There is a paradoxical irony to the University of Wisconsin. On
one hand, the school is among America’s finest institutions of
higher education and a bastion of original and frequently
groundbreaking academic research. On the other hand, Madison is a
breeding ground for such rabidly incestuous leftist ideology that
few students are actually capable of engaging in intelligent
political conversation without simply regurgitating The Gospel
According to Marx.

Perhaps more disturbing, however, is that many citizens of the
People’s Republic of Madison have never given their sacred liberal
views due meditation because such views go frequently unchallenged
in the one-sided environment.

Legions of students never questioned whether the war in Iraq was
justified or not. Instead, they spent their hours debating whether
George Bush is a servant of the devil or Lucifer himself.

When someone took the initiative of flattening the tires on all
the SUVs found on Langdon Street in commemoration of Earth Day,
many of the people of Madison not only failed to condemn the
criminal act but granted its unknown perpetrator the status of a
cult hero: the tire bandit was even applauded on this Opinion
page.

That WisPIRG, a student organization, successfully laundered
tuition money to Ralph Nader’s presidential campaign is not a
matter of serious contention because in Madison, Nader is widely
accepted as a messianic figure and the donation recognized as a
ritual sacrifice.

When students and locals squatted on Library Mall and
established a “refugee camp,” claiming to be refugees of the unjust
Iraqi war, there was not widespread outrage that they were beating
war drums next to the study room of a library or that they were
creating a massive inconvenience for students walking to class.
Rather, the mayor of Madison immediately took steps to insure that
their illegal presence wouldn’t be molested.

When there was a citywide protest against the aforementioned
war, professors not only excused students from classes so that they
might attend but, in some cases, took the liberty of canceling
classes in recognition of the event. So much for students who were
more concerned with learning than marching.

Madison has been described as “25 square miles surrounded by
reality.” The description is apt, and locals seem to wear it as a
sort of badge of honor. While the rest of America tirelessly
debates serious social and economic issues, many of the people of
Madison simply scoff, as their leftist arrogance assures them that
conservative thinking is completely devoid of reason and that the
world would be a better place without those pesky Republicans.

In fact, there are no Republicans on Madison election ballots.
Rather, all candidates running for local seats must do so sans a
major political party. At first this sounds noble, and then you
realize all the serious candidates lean so far to the left that
anyone with the word “Democrat” next to their name would be deemed
too conservative.

In America, everyone has a right to be politically na�ve.
And everyone has a right to be politically outspoken. But too many
students at UW are that tragic combination of both na�ve and
outspoken. The school really takes the term “blind following” to a
whole new level.

The deepest irony, however, lies in the immediate rejection of
conservative views. Much of Madison’s liberal message is one of
extreme tolerance. They say we should tolerate overly aggressive
panhandlers on State Street. They say we should tolerate people
using illegal drugs in public. They say we should tolerate
anti-American terrorists blowing up our buildings and killing our
citizens.

They say we should tolerate people illegally sneaking over our
borders and depriving hard-working Americans of jobs. They say we
should tolerate Saddam Hussein killing hundreds of thousands of
Iraqis and menacing the rest of the world. Yet when it comes to
opposing views, their message of tolerance is absent. Those who
preach from any book other than The Gospel According to Marx are
more frequently met with ad hominem attacks than highbrow
challenges.

At times, being a conservative in Madison can feel like being in
a Saturday Night Live skit. You put forward intelligent questions
in hopes of inspiring Socratic debate, and instead you are greeted
by mindless regurgitations of popular liberal catchphrases sans any
substantive accompaniment. A walk into Memorial Union can feel like
a conversation with hundreds of Clinton Barbie Dolls that only have
three sayings in their voice chip. And that’s when you realize that
it takes a piece of blonde plastic (clothed in pink, of course)
like Barbie to not understand the definition of the word “is.”

There’s no telling what causes will mobilize the People’s
Republic of Madison to take to the streets over the next year, but
with a presidential election looming, the rhetoric promises to be
loud. Rest assured, though; hidden among the many masses of
Naderites are a handful of sensible, compassionate conservatives.
And this writer, at least, assures you he will do all he can to
defend that which is right, as opposed to that which is left and,
therefore, wrong.

Mac VerStandig ([email protected]) is a sophomore
majoring in rhetorical studies and economics.