You’d think they have something more consequential to worry about.

I’m almost loath to bring it up; but the smattering of national media attention that continues to meander about Augusta National Golf Club’s stag membership policies is too ridiculous to ignore.

Several months ago, the previously obscure National Council of Women’s Organizations, headed by one Martha Burk, petitioned the exclusive all-male golf club to admit a woman member in the name of equality. When the club’s chairman, the stone-faced and stern William “Hootie” Johnson, flatly rejected the offer, all hell broke loose.

Burk and her gang successfully pressured the corporate sponsorship of the club’s annual Masters Tournament to pull their support. CBS, which has broadcast the event for decades, will air the springtime tradition commercial-free next year. Tiger Woods has felt heat as golf’s most visible icon to weigh in on the subject, other Augusta members are being called publicly into question for their association with the club, and the entire charade has become a media sideshow unlikely to quietly subside.

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There are a bevy of issues that surround and frustrate this situation.

Firstly, can someone give me a similar example of men attempting to gain access to any institution, facility, or otherwise private area for women; other than perhaps the occasional midnight foray to the sorority house past curfew, a la “Animal House’s” John Belushi? Are there any men, or male groups, out there protesting our exclusion from the Junior League? From Wellesley College? If you’re out there, I’d like to hear from you.

Secondly, why would anyone choose to push the envelope on an organization that exists purely for social reasons — one at which the questioning parties are decidedly unwelcome? Those behind this meddling are apparently the type of women who would enjoy crashing their ex-boyfriend’s bachelor party.

I simply don’t understand the rationale of seeking social company in a place one knows, in advance, a poor reception awaits. This is not a professional organization where income or benefits might be at stake. It isn’t the military; where advancement is based upon merit and achievement. Membership in Augusta National is not something you can earn, it is a private organization to which you are invited; thus you cannot illegally be refused.

Thirdly, consider the First Amendment. Nowhere is it stipulated that “the right to peacefully assemble” is suspended when such assembly occurs behind a heavily guarded gate emblazoned “members only.”

Fourthly, aren’t there bigger “women’s” issues than this? For that matter, aren’t there bigger issues in women’s golf? One of the great beauties of the game is the ability for those of every age, ability, and gender to enjoy playing in diverse company. Golf is one of the few athletic endeavors in which husband and wife, father and daughter, grandmother and grandson can participate, even compete, side by side. As a golf enthusiast myself, I have found the company of women on the course more than agreeable, and I am disappointed at the appalling lack of girls’ junior programs in a sport that could do loads for the character and development of young girls.

Perhaps this eager feminist community could address the great disparity in high school girls’ programs versus high school boys’ programs? If one seeks to bring golf to the masses, to broaden its appeal and its reach and break the barriers of class and gender surrounding it, one does not start at the top, but at the bottom. Augusta National is the pinnacle and the end, not the problem or the means.

Even so, if country-club golf must remain the target of Ms. Burk and her ilk, why not encourage the creation of a club or clubs exclusively for women? To my knowledge, no such place exists, but I doubt you’d find a single male willing to speak out against it. I, for one, would cheer it on.

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Trouble is, the Augusta conflict has little to do with golf — the game and one of its most hallowed institutions are merely vehicles in a conflict pertaining far more to style than substance; more to publicity than equality. If Burk’s ultimate goal is opening doors to women, who are the women being shut out and which doors are locked? Funny thing, but I have a feeling the $30,000 initiation fee might present something of a roadblock for the “full access” these women yearn for. The handful of women who might benefit from this whole fiasco, should Burk prevail, don’t have any real problems in the first place.

Fighting social injustice? A multimillionaire southern belle with enough time and desire to flit around meticulously massaged gardens swatting a white ball, with minimum-wage employees ready to jump at her every behest, hardly sounds like a candidate for rescue from the ranks of the oppressed.

Yet another example that women’s advocacy groups aren’t out to further real women’s causes or seek real women’s justice. Cheers for the Bush administration’s liberation of the virtually enslaved Afghani women? Hardly. Jeers for Bill Clinton and his “use ’em and lose ’em” style of Oval Office adultery? Never. Clarence Thomas? A narrowly missed opportunity. Old-school conservative like Hootie Johnson? Target practice … or so they thought.

Johnson recently announced that the Master’s will go on indefinitely, regardless of any corporate support, which apparently will be the case in 2003, as former stalwarts Cadillac and IBM have pulled their sponsorship. Despite the haggling of the press, I doubt any players will shy away from what is most certainly the most coveted prize in golf — and is so largely because of the tradition that surrounds it.

The caddies still wear white jumpsuits. The galleries are never “crowds,” always “patrons.” A chicken sandwich and Coke will set you back only a couple bucks. Double-breasted green blazers, saddle shoes and tightly woven straw hats are chic. And membership policies, for better or for worse, are classified.

If ever the stodginess and reactionary tendencies of the club could be an asset, this is it. Hopefully, in time the media will let the issue subside, peace will find its way down Magnolia Lane and Ms. Burk’s clamoring will fade into the shadows of the Georgia Pines like one of my carefully executed banana 3-woods.

All that said, the time may come when Augusta National chooses to include a female member. If they do so, that’s their business. And it should occur on their own terms, not Martha Burk’s. Let us not forget this is a place where women regularly stay, dine and play golf. Recently, the South Carolina women’s golf team enjoyed the course at Mr. Johnson’s invitation. Maybe next time, Martha Burk and her ilk should politely ask to play through before shanking their four-irons and chucking their putters in disgust. For as the sage philosopher Rush Limbaugh once said, most men are big fans of the women’s movement — especially when walking behind it.

Eric Cullen ([email protected]) is a sophomore majoring in political science and history.