As Sept. 20 segued into Sept. 21, many mourned the passing of “Hot Girl Summer.” Megan Thee Stallion’s coined term empowered many throughout the summer months of 2019, but as the days got shorter and the weather became colder, the stress of leaving the “hot girl” ideal behind filled the minds of many young adults.
Some speculated the fall would turn into a time for the opposite, a complete abdication of the “hot girl” ideal before cuffing season comes back into being. However, one tweet salvaged the situation immediately.
Ladies just because hot girl summer is over doesn’t mean you have to stop being a hot girl, it’s THOTUM. Go get your ass ate in a pumpkin patch. Sprinkle pumpkin spice seasoning on your tiddies. Send spooky nudes. Ghost him
— sassy sunflower (@sassysunflwrfit) October 3, 2019
While I appreciate sassy sunflower’s sentiments, I will henceforth refer to the season as “thotumn” because that silent “n” is oh so important.
Sassy sunflower’s suggestions offer a solid first step towards a successful thotumn, but there are far more ways to ensure a spookily sexy season.
Experiment with your thotumn wardrobe
Personally, I hate fall. It is too cold, but wearing puffy jackets isn’t socially acceptable yet.
However, thotumn provides the opportunity to experiment with different fashion trends to attempt to both keep warm and look like a pumpkin-flavored snack.
Orange is an underrated color which is criminally under-worn outside of thotumn. Now is the best opportunity to bring out your orange dresses and tunics to feel like one with the pumpkins.
Thotumn also provides the cheeky opportunity for Halloween shirts all season. The personal favorite in my closet says “I make mummy moves.” I suggest finding something similar to spark your own conversations.
Speaking of which.
Be a “Head Witch in Charge”
Turn the tables on the common pick-up scenario and try taking the lead. Approach people who seem interesting to you and strike up a conversation. Don’t be afraid of rejection, your witchy powers can cast more people under your spell than you think.
Hump Day: Maximizing your relationships when you’re here for a good time, not a long time
Play with Pillsbury cookies
We all know the ones.
Yeah, Pillsbury Doughboy is definitely getting it this thotumn.
If pumpkin spice titties isn’t your thing, try having a baking session with your bae or potential hang. First off, it is clinically proven that baking and cooking are the two best activities for couples. Secondly, the cookies bake to the perfect size to put over certain erogenous zones all over the body. It’s a sweet, win-win situation.
Channel spooky scary skeletons
Yes, spooky scary skeletons do send shivers down your spine. Spooky scary skeletons themselves, though, have built up their cold resistance and go au naturale most of the time.
Now, I wouldn’t go so far as to advocate for full nudity in public, but use this skeletal inspired tactic when getting down with whatever pumpkin you’ve picked.
Play “trick or treat” in the bedroom
A little power play never hurt anyone, especially when it switches on and off.
Play this fun game of “trick or treat” with your partner as you alternate asking the other “trick or treat?” The other decides to respond how they’d like to, with either a trick or a treat. As you can see, this can elevate to a hauntingly hot time.
So there you have it, five new ways to embrace thotumn in all of its glory.
Of course, we already know the University of Wisconsin’s stance on thotumn.
@UWMadison putting these hoes on blast pic.twitter.com/veCTVZorXW
— Michael Haller (@MichaelHaller10) May 17, 2017
Fight the man, celebrate thotumn, live your best life in that pumpkin patch.
