Happy Halloween! Pick up some free safer sex supplies around campus this week before beginning your Halloween festivities. Here is some sex Q&A to help you out for the weekend.
I know I am supposed to ask for consent. But how do I ask without being awkward?
Great question! Consent is a clear, freely given, informed and enthusiastic “yes” and is not the absence of a “no.” Consent should be given every step of the way since permission for fingering or handjobs does not equal a go-ahead for penetration.
Consent does not have to be formal: “May I gently squeeze the underside of your left mammary gland in T-30 seconds”? You can totally make it hot! An easy, sexy way to ask for consent is by talking dirty. Try asking, “What do you want to do next”? or, “Tell me what you like, babe,” or, “Where do you like to be licked”? or, “Does that feel good to you”? The possibilities are endless.
Remember to always assume no until you hear a yes. Also – alcohol interferes with the ability to give consent. If you would not give someone your car keys to drive you home, you should not be boinking them.
Condoms usually break on me. Am I doing something wrong?
Maybe. There are many different steps in putting on a condom, each with potential for a mishap. Make sure you are checking the expiration date and that there is an air bubble in the package before opening the wrapper.
Add a drop or two of lube in the condom before putting it on to reduce friction. Pinch the tip before rolling it on to get rid of any air in the tip; otherwise, it might pop. Leave some extra room in the head of the condom – I am talkin’ like a good inch in the tip, not that dinky little reservoir the manufacturers give you. Re-apply lube if you are going for an extra-long sex session.
How much of a difference does the kind of condom really make?
Condoms can differ by material, size, texture, shape, flavor, color, lubricant and thickness. When it comes to condoms, it is all about your own personal preference, so experimenting with different textures and thicknesses will help you figure out what you like best. Let us take a look at some of the different options.
Material: Latex, polyisoprene, polyurethane and lambskin. Some people have latex allergies, and some people prefer to use non-latex condoms anyway because they transfer body heat more easily. Sheepskin condoms do not provide protection against STIs.
Size: Snugger fit, standard, XL or XXL. Finding the right size is important to keep the condom on and an erection hard.
Texture: Ribs, studs or standard. The raised lines and/or dots are intended to give extra pleasure to the receptive partner. Careful, though, because some people actually find these irritating.
Shape: Flared head for some extra wiggle-room, or straight up and down.
Flavor: Strawberry, banana, orange, cherry, chocolate, apple, mint, vanilla and many more. Great for oral sex, but remember flavored condoms are not meant to go in the butt or the vag.
Color: Condoms are available in all of the colors of the rainbow. Lifestyles even makes a black “tuxedo” brand for more formal occasions.
Lubricant: Water-based, silicone-based, un-lubricated, lightly-lubricated or ultra-lubricated. Silicone lube lasts longer but can stain sheets and cannot be used with silicone toys.
Thickness: Extra strength, regular, thin and ultra-thin. Condom material ranges in thickness from .00185 inches to .0035 inches. And they are all just as effective in preventing STIs and pregnancy.
Glow-in-the-dark: Just ’cause they are awesome. Makes cocks and dildos look like lightsabers!
If you are looking to try out any of these styles of insertive condoms, Sex Out Loud’s office in the Student Activity Center carries all of them. SOL also has sex dams, receptive condoms, latex gloves and a variety of lubes.
Is it normal if I do not have an orgasm every time?
According to the Douglass sisters, two doctorate holders who have made a career out of studying orgasms, dudes climax in three-fourths of their sexual encounters with women. Ladies only reach orgasm in 29 percent of their sexual encounters. But interestingly, they cum 83 percent of the time they do it solo or with other women. So, yes, totally normal. Besides, having an orgasm is not the be-all end-all of great sex.
What is the average time it takes for a female to orgasm?
According to Brown University’s Health Education department, female-bodied people take about four minutes to orgasm when masturbating. During foreplay and/or intercourse with a partner, it takes about 10-20 minutes, and it usually requires direct clitoral stimulation. For comparison, a 2005 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that the average time men “last” is 6.5 minutes of actual penetration, although anywhere from 2-10 minutes is normal.
How many Badgers do not have sex?
According to an annual national survey by the American College Health Association with University Health Services in 2006, about a quarter of University of Wisconsin students had zero sex partners in the previous year. In 2005, Badgers averaged about two sex partners during the academic year.
Stay sexy and safe this weekend. Happy Freakfest!
Sam is a junior working at Sex Out Loud and Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment. Email the Hump Day columnists your sex questions at [email protected].
