I’ve been avoiding writing the “I’m a second-semester senior” column for a while now, and up until recently I’ve held true to the following justification:
I have anxiety about Public Displays of Depression (PDD: a real thing as of roughly 30 seconds ago), and I really don’t like being negative. But despite my reservations, I think it’s time to talk about how strange it’s been this semester to balance intimacy, dating and hooking up with the lingering notion that I won’t be in college three months from now.
This is already getting bleak, so to keep all you May 2011 grads from crawling into a dim corner while blasting Dashboard Confessional’s “Hands Down” on repeat, I’ll spell out a few truths and move on to more interesting stuff.
Things we wish weren’t true: We’re leaving Madison to enter something called “adulthood.” Most of us are moving to places where we’ll no longer be able to mix exclusively with people we’ve known since freshman year. We’ll need to get business cards for the sole purpose of giving people our business cards. We may not live as close to a Jimmy John’s as we do currently. And we might have to start going on dates.
Despite these realities, it’s our job to enjoy the next few months as much as we possibly can. Likewise, it’s natural to factor intimacy and romance into our end-of-college happiness, which isn’t a bad thing as long as we make sure to place equal value on other aspects of our lives. But to me, the real question here is this: How do we maximize our happiness without a) making things unnecessarily complicated or b) avoiding the hookup scene for the rest of college?
According to research I’ve performed using Academic Search Premiere, ProQuest and Facebook chat, I’ve determined three key scenarios common to second-semester seniors’ romantic lives.
If you’re in a serious relationship: If you’ve been with someone for a while – let’s say anything over a year for clarity’s sake – you probably have an idea of their post-graduation plans and goals. This can be comforting because it gives you time to really evaluate where your relationship stands and what form it’ll take once college ends. But on the other hand, it can be terrifying to imagine how, or even if, your relationship will continue outside the context where it began.
My most valuable piece of advice for people in this type of situation is simple – don’t hold anything back. Whether you’re feeling like a basket case or you’re relatively calm, make sure your partner knows where you stand. They are there for you, so never feel like you’re burdening them. The more you suppress your nerves, the more likely they are to come out in destructive ways down the road.
If you’re in a (more) casual relationship: Despite the common goal of not wanting to get attached during the last year of college, I know a disproportionate number of seniors who’ve recently entered casual relationships. Maybe they’re finally “ready for love,” as soap opera screenwriters and classic rock bands call it, or maybe they’re just bored or lonely or scared of leaving college and want some extra support. Whatever it is, it can get complicated really quickly, and while I’d never suggest denying something that truly makes you happy, I do think end-of-college relationships should be met with a certain cautiousness.
While open communication is always key, it never develops overnight. Casual, new relationships often exist in a gray area where both partners haven’t had the time to fully gain each other’s trust. This can make the whole “What should we do next year”? conversation a difficult one. My advice in situations like these is to stay level-headed and consult other support systems, like friends or family members, whenever you’re feeling stressed. It can be easy to make rash decisions when you’re unsure of yourself, so try to focus on what’s best for you and not necessarily your relationship.
If you’re single: I’m about to sound like a total freak, but I honestly think being unattached at the end of college is a beautiful thing. It’s like a free pass to be selfish without having to feel guilty about it. Think about it: You have no one besides yourself to worry about, and while you can ramble about how much you wish you were in a relationship, there’s no denying you have it easier than the couples you envy.
From now on, just go with your instincts and do what makes you happy (within reason, of course). If that’s hooking up, then by all means, get some. But if you’d rather spend time with your friends and ignore any potential intimacy, all the power to you.
As daunting as this all sounds, we almost-grads have no choice but to downplay the negatives, keep our heads on straight and enjoy the rest of our time in this unbelievable place. Feel free to thank me later for the Hallmark moment.
Rachel Dickens is a senior majoring in journalism and communication arts. Questions? Comments? E-mail [email protected].
