When you get to know someone well enough, you start noticing things that make them significantly less normal than you thought – things like “does laundry once a year” or “doesn’t wear underwear.” For my friends and I, many of these quirks pertain to our dating/hooking up/relationship behaviors, and I’m always intrigued by how our styles are so drastically different. But despite our unique approaches, I have one friend – let’s call her “Alex” – who’s dating behavior deserves a league all its own.
Sidenote: When I say “friend,” I’m not doing that thing where people talk about themselves in obvious euphemisms. I’m describing a living, breathing, close friend of mine who told me I could use her real name, but I’d feel sort of guilty damaging her reputation so I decided against it. Considerate, right?
So yeah, we’re all weird when it comes to dating, but Alex’s quirk is more like a multi-step process that follows as such:
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Alex determines she likes a guy
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Alex hardcore flirts with Guy in order to subtly demonstrate interest
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Guy responds positively because Alex is very confident and applies lip gloss frequently
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Guy asks Alex to “hang out,” to which she says yes
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Alex proceeds to contact Guy semi-obsessively using emoticons and initiating lots of fights
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Guy tells Alex “I really like you.”
Alex is impatient, demanding and passive-aggressive. She flirts with anyone and everyone. She says things like, “If he told me no I’d be really mad because I’m not used to hearing that.” She asks you what she should write in a text only to completely disregard your advice in favor of “hehe” and a smiley face. But here’s the thing – she always gets the guy.
Being Alex’s friend has made me question everything I’ve learned from “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and while I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing, it’s made me wonder – how the hell does she do it?
To fully understand Alex, some background information is necessary. Until the beginning of our senior year, she hadn’t been single since 2005. She had a serious boyfriend in high school, a long-term college relationship that began the day she stepped foot on this campus and a slew of emotional non-relationships since. Alex is one of those people who’s never actually single, and even if she’s not technically dating someone you can guarantee there’s an affair waiting in the wings.
You might be thinking, “This girl sounds evil and also creepy,” but let me make something clear – Alex is an intelligent, funny and like-able person who’s dating style is shared by men and women everywhere. It’s the plague of serial monogamy, and I’ve theorized a few possible explanations for how people like Alex get away with it:
They know how to make you feel good
Serial monogamists have a knack for attracting people who a. have also been in serious relationships, or b. desperately want one. It’s not like Alex is turning complete players into relationship-types – she’s carefully selecting guys who she knows her charms will work on. In this regard, Alex’s success rate might fall under the “correlation does not imply causation” mantra, but that makes it no less interesting.
There’s a Nick Hornby quote that goes, “Sometimes you know you’ve got a chance with a girl if she wants to fight with you,” and I always think about it when I’m there for Alex’s crazy-girl outbursts. It seems like there’s something about all this chaos that really gets guys going. Maybe it’s the closest they’ll ever get to being a character in “The Notebook,” but I’m really not sure.
They radiate confidence
We’ve all had times when we’ve texted someone and immediately thought, “Why the hell did I say that? I shouldn’t be allowed to own a phone.” Well, Alex thinks those things occasionally too, but she’s way better at hiding it than the rest of us, aka me. But the majority of the time, Alex is confident that what she’s saying is accurate and worthwhile, which makes her more attractive than someone who seems nervous and fidgets all the time.
They’re hot
According to the scientifically tested “hot/crazy spectrum,” a person’s level of insanity should be proportional to their physical attractiveness. I’m not saying its kind, but you can’t deny that better-looking people usually get more leeway when it comes to acting nuts. Since Alex is a regulation hottie, it makes sense that guys would be willing to put up with her craziness.
And in conclusion…
Sure, Alex is slightly insane, and in some circles what she does to guys might be considered manipulative, but it’s all an outgrowth of what she’s been through, just like the rest of us. Whether her behavior is a phase or a permanent reality, it’s what makes her happy right now. The point is, we all do crazy shit, and so long as no one gets severely damaged along the way, judging someone’s actions won’t be nearly as helpful or interesting as figuring out what kind of approach works for you – and if it’s Alex’s, I apologize in advance.
Rachel Dickens is a senior majoring in journalism and communication arts. Questions? Comments? E-mail Rachel at [email protected]
