Dear Hump Day,
I’ve had hookups before, but things have always been awkward with the guy the next morning. So here’s my question: What’s the etiquette of a hookup? It seems like guys always want to stick around and cuddle because they think girls like it, but sometimes I just wish he’d politely pack up and leave. And if he does spend the night, how can we make the morning after less awkward?
–She Humps And Man Eats
Dear SHAME,
As much as many of us wish there were a universal guide of the dos-and-don’ts of hooking up, no such authority exists. Different people have different styles, and what seems totally normal to one person may be completely repulsive to another ? think “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” except this time, it’s a different kind of dirty we’re talking about.
Despite how subjective random hookups may seem, there are a few key benchmarks for you to consider if you’re feeling confused. When it’s all boiled down, the etiquette of hooking up depends on two main things ? expectations and personal preference. I’ll go on to explain each of these in detail, and with any hope, my borderline-inappropriate ramblings will give you some insight into what works best for you.
Not gonna lie, we live in a highly sexualized environment, and along with that comes the obligatory world of random ass. It’s not something to be looked down upon ? it’s just the social norm. But while some people thrive on the excitement of a one-night stand, many others feel ashamed afterward. Neither one of those types of people is wrong, but what’s crucial in the realm of hooking up is an agreement on how far you and your partner feel comfortable going. If having sex on the first hookup sounds genuinely okay with both of you, then by all means, go for it. But just remember, no matter how heated the moment may be, it’s not too difficult to communicate how far is far enough.
Similarly, hookup protocol can often be determined by the intentions of one or both partners. If you’re just looking to get down for a night, then the whole post-hookup-cuddle and morning-banter routine may not be a top priority. However, that doesn’t mean common courtesy goes out the window. Additionally, if you feel like your hookup is turning into something more, then your emotions are probably pushing you to seek a deeper connection with your partner, which can include sleeping over, hanging out the next morning and really anything that involves heightened communication.
The clothes-lending dilemma plays a role here too, guys. If a girl sleeps over, it’s always polite to offer her comfortable clothes for sleeping and walking home the next day. You don’t have to give her your most prized pair of boxers; it’s the thought that counts. Trust me, it won’t go unappreciated.
Personal preference is another key factor when considering hookup etiquette, and it can easily intertwine with your intentions as well. If you’re someone who enjoys sleeping with others, then clearly, you’ll be more willing to let your partner stay after you’ve finished hooking up. If you’re more talkative and comfortable overall, when you’re through you probably will enjoy a morning-after convo more than if you’re someone who feels anxious around new people. Although personal characteristics are highly circumstantial, there are a few situations where definite guidance is necessary.
The first of these is the early-morning exit. Say you have to be somewhere at 8 a.m., and your partner’s still passed out. You don’t want to wake them up, but you’d feel pretty sketchy if you bolted unannounced. Whether it’s a new hookup or someone you’ve been with multiple times, you should feel comfortable lightly nudging them to let them know you’re going. They’ll probably fall back asleep right afterward, and this way you’ll get to say goodbye, be it through a quick make-out session or a casual “text ya later.”
If you’re planning to stick around, there are more than a few ways to enjoy the morning after. Once you’re both mildly awake, a good way to break the post-hookup ice is to offer your partner a glass of water. That way, you’ll both be able to freshen up, hopefully decreasing the dreaded morning breath, and you’ll have a smooth transition into conversation. If you’re interested in taking things to another level, there’s also the age-old concept of “round two,” which, for those of you who are unfamiliar, is a half-asleep, crack-of-dawn, possibly hungover version of what you did the night before.
So, does a morning-after hookup mean something deeper than its drunken predecessor? Usually, yes. Hooking up the next morning, though still potentially cloudy, is often a more conscious decision on both parts. And what’s more, it generally means you liked what happened the night before, and you’re eager to do it again.
No matter the circumstance, hookup protocol depends on your comfort level, which may vary according to the situation at hand. If you live in a residence hall and share a room, for example, hooking up becomes more complicated. But any way you slice it, communication is crucial for all parties involved.
Rachel Dickens is a junior majoring in journalism. Want your burning sex question answered? E-mail our sexperts at [email protected].
