Editor’s Note: This story is satirical.

In matters of middling to low importance, The Badger Herald’s relentless and invasive Department of Finding Things to Write About recently dug up some new information. Informant reports have recently revealed to us that the word Satire has checked itself into therapy.

“I just feel like no one understands me,” said the personified noun, clearly at a low point if it was willing to talk to us.

“Could you imagine how embarrassing it is for everyone to try and claim I support their shitty, self important, attention-seeking behavior?” Satire said. “The other day I was walking down the street and some dude just straight up called me an ugly loser, told me my shoes were wack and posted the video of me crying on YouTube. It was labeled satire — not because I was in it — but because they really thought it was satire.”

Satire, famously created by Jonny Satire in 1785, is recognized by most people as the exposure of societal or personal flaws through irony or juxtaposition. It is famous for being the most Catholic form of art, as it is designed to shame the target into better behavior.

Satire however, is unsure if anyone really remembers that anymore.

“I know that I’m kind of a vague concept and there’s lots of room for interpretation — but I just feel like we’re not doing anything unless I’m targeted at someone powerful, influential or not in line with my own personal political ideology.” said Satire, signing off before attending another session of daily therapy.

However, while no civil person would fault a personified noun for trying to go to therapy to better their own mental health, some have had different perspectives on it.

“Frankly, I feel like Satire is taking itself far too seriously,” said The Unrelenting Need for Content, once again inserting itself into a situation it didn’t necessarily need to be involved in.

“What does it even do for us?” Need for Content said. “Seriously, how does it help anyone? Anytime I go out and in public it always makes some snide remark towards me about something I did. It’s always been a self important shithead looking to make a point about something it has no idea how to solve.”

In order to show support with Satire, The Badger Herald will be hosting a recruitment drive for Banter editors who can successfully reunite it with its long lost friend Subtle Metaphor and hopefully return it to the way it was back in the good old days.