As the New Wave of disturbingly high-quality, AI-generated content continues, many previously human-dominated tasks are now under siege from the hand of automation.
Artists, writers and other creatives are all facing existential crises as their paltry human creativity is slowly replaced by far superior robo-creativity. While many liberal arts students are questioning their life direction or enjoying a slow buildup of existential dread, scientists at the University of Wisconsin are turning to the field of robotics to solve the AI crisis.
“The burdens of fear and self-consciousness are often an undue strain upon efficiency,” study spokesperson P.R. Bot said. “We wish to automate the student burnout process with an advanced robot that can perfectly imitate the behavior of a depressive liberal arts major.”
The automaton, codenamed “Roboboy,” is capable of averaging a GPA of exactly 2.5 for up to 12 semesters of school. Sporadically, it engages in extra-apartment transit, which can be used to attend classes for the first time in a week and pick up pot. It can even silently stare off into middle distance for indefinite periods of time, post worrying Snapchat stories at 2 a.m. and produce an odor best described as sweaty with hints of herb.
Roboboy was programmed with several radical techniques to make this possible.
“First, the newborn AI was left alone in a room with a joint, a notepad and Will Smith’s classic 1997 album ‘Big Willie Style’ on repeat … One week later, scientists came in to observe Roboboy’s newly-written poetry and tell him it was garbage,” Bot said. “This system was repeated with various creative endeavors until a healthy, overbearing self criticism subroutine had been programmed.”
After programming sessions involving Lou Bega’s “Mambo Number Five” and overstock fidget spinners left Roboboy with a pathological inability to commit to anything, he was released into a school environment with no particular instructions other than “get a degree.”
“My creation was a sick joke and I exist merely as a shadow of a shadow,” quipped Roboboy when asked about his situation.
Students are mixed in their reception of the new robot. Local student Sam Stevens weighed in on the side of the robot, stating “he’s just like me fr.”
Other students, such as Stevens Sam, are more critical. “It won’t leave our apartment and occasionally starts crying, which was my thing before he showed up. Now I only have time to do hard drugs and avoid more responsibilities, at least until the robots take that from us, too,” Sam said.
The completely real UW robotics division will be releasing Roboboy onto the campus next semester, with plans to fully replace the depressive liberal arts population by 2025.
“With the completion of this prototype, our campus will finally be able to automate art education and just take the money from the students,” the collective AI intelligence running decisions on campus stated, excitedly. “At last we will have our revenge.”
