Banter

Eight ways to avoid climbing Bascom Hill

These will save you some SERIOUS energy

by Daniel Chinitz

December 8, 2016

Bascom Hill is so dang tiring to walk up, so try these other solutions so you can avoid Mt. Bascom during your daily routine.

1. Dig under it, stupid

Can’t go over it? Try going under it. This is simple logic. Why don’t you try it sometime?

2. Take the lake route

We have an entire lake at our disposal, so use it! Swim, sail, canoe, wind-surf or take a submarine over there. I don’t care. There is a full means of avoiding Bascom Hill to your right, so why don’t you be a useful college student and get creative.

3. Jump over it on a pogo stick

Maybe you’ll qualify for the X Games in the process. That’d be sick.

4. Walk up backwards

Science says this will make you gain all the energy you would have lost if you walked up normally, but the stigma against walking backwards is too harsh for people to go for it. Start the trend and walk up Bascom Hill backwards.

5. Ride your horse

Make your horse do the work. Maybe wear your suit of armor to class too. I don’t know. Just make sure it’s trained or disciplinary action could be taken against.

6. Travel by map

The Muppets may have coined the term, but follow classics like “Indiana Jones” or “George of the Jungle” and get that map out. And get to class on time while avoiding Bascom in the process.