The wait is finally over, folks. Memorial Union has reopened and with it has come a new bathroom experience that will not leave you disappointed.
It’s not every day that “Craps On Campus” has breaking news, so the opening of Memorial Union was quite an exciting day for the column.
Since re-opening, the union has been praised for its sleek and cozy atmosphere that welcomes students with open arms. The bathroom is no different. Equipped with refreshing new tiles and marble fixtures, this poop shoot is easy on the eyes and happens to be quite stylish as well.
Where people normally criticize style for practicality, the engineers of Memorial Union took this shit to the next level by making this bathroom as useful as it is chic. Hosting two urinals, one stall and two sinks, everything is hands free and handicap friendly. Even the door has a handicap accessible automation, a brilliant addition that is far overdue to public bathrooms everywhere.
In terms of privacy, the lack of a gap in the door is perfect for any shy poopers walking campus. This will only make you feel more at home when after you sit down, the ergonomic design of the toilet is perfected to your round bottom, an enjoyable seat for those dumps that last a little longer than expected. The gods of Memorial Union even kept the two-ply tradition alive, making this arguably the most comfortable pooping experience on campus.
Of course, nothing is without its faults, but the Union bathroom managed to keep theirs to a minimum. There is a fair amount of space that is used for walls cutting across the middle of the room that I have to assume is for privacy. The bathroom could probably have been arranged in a more efficient way to fit in another urinal or stall, but overall this doesn’t impact the bathroom experience.
An oasis in the wasteland of outdated bathrooms that is southeast campus, the Memorial Union is a Picasso surrounded by stick figure drawings. Use this bathroom to your discretion, of course, but let’s try and come together as students to keep Memorial Union’s bathroom in its pristine condition.
Temperature: Perfectly ventilated.
Traffic: Depends on time of day, go early on for best use.
Stalls: One handicap stall.
Toilet Paper: Two luxurious layers of greatness.
Sinks: Two automatic faucets.
Dryers: One hands-free paper towel dispenser and an air dryer.
Cell Service: Yes.
Graffiti: None yet — please don’t ruin it.
Germaphobe Friendly: Ahead of its time.