Graduating seniors: your time in this collegiate wonderland is nearly out.
Commencement takes place on May 14, meaning approximately 7,500 students have less than a month to get the most out of their undergraduate experiences.
If you find yourself in these unfortunate shoes, do not fret. Instead, use this helpful guide to ensure you have the quintessential Badger experience in your last few weeks here.
Enjoy the shops of Regent Street. Ah, Regent Street. Jewel of Madison and pride of the American Midwest. Spend a leisurely day strolling the pedestrian-friendly sidewalks, and enjoy merchants such as Franco Shoe Repair, 7/11 and the Italian Workmen’s Club.
Call your parents. It’s been four years and your parents haven’t heard a peep from you! They sit near the telephone fretting every night, hoping you’ll give them a ring. This isn’t how you were raised! Please call them.
Learn the secret of Picnic Point. I heard old Mr. Clark mumbling about some real spooky lights that shine just off the point during the full moon. This could be a bonafide ghoul — just like in the comic books! Better get the gang together and investigate.
Beat Mayor Paul Soglin in a wrestling match. If there’s one thing Soglin does better than combat alcohol consumption on State Street, it’s throwing down in the ring. Give him a call, name a public park and a time, and he’ll be there. Soglin’s grappling abilities are second to none, and besting him is the true proof of a warrior’s strength.
Take advantage of Gordon Market’s “Free Sardines” policy. Approach a cashier at this campus eatery and gently whisper, “I am not a coward. I seek the fabled Fish Gift,” into his or her ear. They are obligated by law to give you a ziplock bag full of hot sardines, free of charge. Who knew?
Wed a bus driver. It wouldn’t be the Wisconsin Experience if you neglected this one. You’ll feel a lot better receiving your diploma if you have a Madison Metro Transit driver as your lawful spouse.
Learn your fate from Abe. The final step in any Badger’s journey. Metal Abe sits atop Bascom, an eternal titan of truth. Climb into his lap and feed him your new diploma to bring him to life, and he will tell you the exact date of your death. On Wisconsin!
