Ah, spring. Bird calls ring through the warm air, the sidewalks shine slick with snowmelt and crumpled beer cans litter apartment elevators in unprecedented volume.
As the Wisconsin earth begins to thaw, the desire to go out drinking reemerges from its boreal hibernation. While nothing can truly stop the mighty momentum of the Madison party engine, subzero temperatures pose a significant deterrent to would-be partygoers. The warm weather reinvigorates this drive — no longer forced to consider running the risk of frostbite or where to stash one’s coat, the frigid masses return to the streets in blossoming revelry.
Take advantage of this surge in festivities with these hot spring party tips:
• Icebreaker theme: What better way to “break the ice” than to host your party on the rapidly-thawing ice of Lake Mendota? Invite all your best pals out onto the frozen waters for a fun-filled, wop-fueled jamboree. You could even make a bonfire for some added fun! First one to fall through the ice has cleanup duty!
• Hot party: Draw inspiration from the warming earth and throw a heat-centric rager. Crank the thermostat as far as it’ll go, insulate your attic and windows and set a vat of beer to boil on the hearth! Guests at your sweltering festival will give you great compliments like, “Wow, you sure are sweating more than most people” or “I have lost a lot of fluids today and this house is making me feel dizzy.” It’s sure to be the hottest party of the year!
• Spring fever: It’s time to throw the “sickest” party Madison has ever seen. Accent your alcohol of choice with a viral or bacterial agent that will give you an enormous fever. As your body temperature pushes 104 and a sickly delirium sets in, you’ll be feeling wilder than ever! Fellow partiers will be impressed with how much you are shivering.
• Wear zipoff pants: Nothing impresses like utility. Head over to your nearest clothing purveyor and pick up a pair of these bad boys. Stylish, yet rugged, nothing says “I am prepared for any weather and am also very handsome” than a hot pair of dungarees with zippers at the knees. Is your house party getting too toasty? Better zip those suckers halfway off and get some leg ventilation. Is the walk home too cold? Slap ’em right back on. Boom. Can’t lose.
• Beachside bash: Complement the sunny days with a beach-themed house party. But be careful — the trick to getting this right is attention to details! Replicate the real beach experience by putting sand in everyone’s drinks, smearing too much sunscreen on yourself and others and releasing a huge flock of seagulls in your house. It’ll be a luau for the record books!
