This week’s question comes from a girl in a pretty tough spot. Her situation is dramatic and her call for advice is specific, which is exactly how we like our questions. So don’t be afraid to be specific in your questions, because the more we know, the better we’re able to help you. And remember — it’s all anonymous!

Dear Hump Day,

Over the past year, I’ve had a secret crush on one of my closest guy friends. We’ve recently started talking about taking our relationship to the next level, and from everything he’s told me, the feelings are definitely mutual. The problem is, he’s graduating this semester, and even if we did start a relationship, there’s no telling how long it could last. So basically what I’m asking is, is it even worth it to define the relationship? And what’s the protocol for either of us hooking up with other people?

Girl Interrupted

At first, this question seemed like it could be applied to almost anyone, but after a few minutes of deep thinking, I realized what made it different. Instead of dealing exclusively with the always-troubling “Are we just friends?” dilemma, or the equally strenuous long-distance gamble, you’re being faced with both at once. Yikes.

Saying you’re in a “difficult spot” would be a complete understatement, and suggesting a single course of action would be equally useless. I know you probably feel like this situation sucks more than that trashy girl you saw at Monday’s last weekend, but it certainly isn’t doomed. All you need to make it through is — yep, you guessed it — communication.

By now you’ve probably noticed that open communication is my solution to most relationship-based problems, but this time it’s a little different. While talking with your guy should be at the top of your agenda, you also need to do some heavy-duty communicating with yourself. Introspection is never easy to accomplish, but trust me, a little self-awareness will go a long way.

The most important thing to do before talking to your guy is to figure out exactly what you want. Given the time constraints of the situation, your options aren’t completely limited, but they’re not endless either. Of course, the two most extreme possibilities are a) Diving into an exclusive relationship, ignoring his looming graduation, or b) Severing all ties and ceasing contact, assuming the prospect of a being just friends seems too unbearable. Naturally, I wouldn’t suggest either of these outcomes, but they do create a helpful spectrum for you to determine your options. So, let’s discuss a few of these scenarios, shall we?

The Free-Trial Relationship

The Pros: Escaping the pseudo-dating grey area. If you’re both confident that your love can stand the test of time (apparently I’m channeling “The Notebook”), you can definitely try the long-distance thing. This option could succeed beautifully or fail miserably, but it’s up to you to take that risk, especially if the idea of him slipping away makes you sick to your stomach. To make things easier, you can always try it for awhile, and if things just aren’t working, then at least you’ll have given it your best shot (who ever said optimism was a bad thing?).

The Cons: Unless your guy is staying in Madison after graduating, this approach could be incredibly difficult. To be honest, the only way I can see it working is if you agree to a defined ultimatum (i.e., an end point by which you’ll both be in the same location), as well as making the relationship each of your top priorities, so just keep that in mind.

The Casual Hookup

The Pros: You’ll still get to spend time together. If you decide that a frequent, low-pressure hookup is the route you want to take, that’s completely alright. After hooking up a few times, you may even realize your relationship was meant to be platonic after all. My advice is to make sure both of you are completely happy with your decision before taking the plunge. If you feel confident that you can maintain a hookup without getting unbearably attached to a guy you really like, you probably deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Cons: You might get really depressed. Think about it: A loosely defined hookup with the guy you’re supposedly head-over-heels for isn’t the most logical choice, especially since we’re focusing on being communicative here. Considering the extensive history you have with this guy, it seems unrealistic that you would even be satisfied with something so casual. Don’t get me wrong, college is all about trying new things, but it’s always important to protect your emotions in the process.

The “Friends Who Talk A Lot”

The Pros: You won’t screw up your friendship as quickly. You’ll still get to hang out together, but you’ll try to keep things platonic for the sake of time.

The Cons: Blurred boundaries. Let’s face it, the “just friends” approach didn’t work for Ryan Reynolds, and it probably won’t work for you either. You clearly want to be with this guy, and if you two continue to talk, your feelings won’t just disappear. Best case, you’ll end up wondering for the rest of your life what could’ve happened. Okay, so maybe that’s a little dramatic, but I’m all for taking chances and this choice seems a little too passive.

As you consider your options, here’s something to keep in mind — we’re still in college. Sure, the decisions we make now will determine the course of our lives, but if we didn’t take a wrong turn now and then, how could we ever learn? No matter how hard we try to steer ourselves in the perfect direction, we’re still only human at the end of the day, which is why we have things like communication to help us face sticky situations.

Even though none of the options I mentioned are overwhelmingly positive, they shouldn’t scare you from taking the next step. Whatever decision you make will ultimately result from a shared understanding between you and your guy, and hopefully you’ll be able to reach a conclusion that makes you both happy.

This article was written by Rachel Dickens. Rachel is a junior majoring in communication arts. Comments? Questions? E-mail: [email protected].