We've heard it since we were little: "Put your notes under your desk. … Sit every other seat. … Turn your baseball hats around. … Don't use graphing calculators. … There are two different forms of this test." — all to prevent cheating. Too bad there aren't as easy-to-follow prevention methods for cheating in a relationship as there are for cheating on a test.
Sharing quiz answers with your buddy is definitely considered cheating, but the standards for cheating in a relationship are different for everyone. Is it flirting or cuddling? Is it a kiss? Is it sex? And if you select "in an open relationship" on the Facebook, can anything ever be considered cheating? Why do people get mad at each other when they can't even call each other boyfriend or girlfriend?
It's because even though it may not technically be "cheating," it still sucks. Regardless of the definition of cheating, it only matters if your actions will hurt the person you're seeing.
The only humorous part of cheating is the pact you make with your boyfriend: "Ok. If we ever get the chance, you're allowed to sleep with Angelina Jolie and I can sleep with George Clooney." And in a more local context, "Umm … Landon from the ‘Real World’ just called me. … Is that considered cheating on my crush?" I say no. And I will leave you at Landon's house wasted at 2 a.m. on the west side and will let him take you back to campus on the “Real World” bus in the morning.
But besides celebrity hook-ups (it's never going to really happen and Landon is a d-bag anyway), there is no excuse for cheating. And the "nothing happened" excuse is never going to fly with your girlfriend. If you can't tell your girlfriend what happened, it's probably because you are ashamed, embarrassed or nervous of her reaction. And it's pretty safe to say that would be considered cheating by her standards.
"Nothing happened," even if you drunkenly passed out on a past hook-up's couch while still sitting up, will be perceived as "something happened," because guess what, you just passed out on your ex-girlfriend's couch. And that's something. The questions will begin: Why did you go back to her house? Maybe you didn't initiate anything, but what would have happened if she did? Don't do it unless you want to deal with the consequences.
Girls tend to think that a girl her boyfriend/crush/open-relationship partner cheated on her with is prettier, smarter, sexier and more exciting than she is. In reality, the other girl is not special, she just made your boyfriend feel special for the night. I bet your boyfriend feels really great after the fact. And anyway, she's probably really ugly … and gross.
And if a girl cheats on her boyfriend, it's over. Guys will be crushed. Someone else just stepped on his turf and he will feel like a big loser who is less manly and has failed at life. If you want to see a guy cry, then go for it, but otherwise, don't be a bitch!
Topanga forgave Corey for kissing that ugly, tall blonde girl ("Corey Matthews, if you EVER do that again … "), but sometimes it's not that easy. Do you think Corey would have gotten over it that quickly if Topanga kissed another guy? Never. He would go into severe depression and "Boy Meets World" would have been cancelled because he would have jumped out the window.
If you're flirting and cheating to make someone jealous, you're in an immature relationship. Go back to high school. If you are cheating to give yourself confidence, you need to stop seeing the person you are dating. You are clearly not enjoying yourself and cheating is not supposed to be a catalyst to break up with someone. If you're cheating because you're in a long-distance relationship because you know you won't be caught and you miss the physical affection that goes along with relationships, you shouldn't be in a long-distance relationship.
Some people can be labeled as extreme cheaters. They have cheated on every person in every relationship they have ever had — except this one, because they really like them — right now. Unless there is talk of marriage, there is probably a big chance that cheating is going to unleash itself eventually. Be weary of disappearing boyfriends and unreturned phone calls at bar time.
And don't fall into the "Sex and the City" cheating curve and think you're boyfriend is being nice by saying he doesn't mind if you hook with someone on spring break. The amount of cheating he tolerates is directionally proportional to the amount of cheating he wants to do. So, if you want a serious relationship, go find it somewhere else.
Why do we cheat on a test? We wanted to get an A even though we didn't do the work. Why do we cheat in a relationship? There are many reasons, but in the long run, in any dating situation, if you feel like cheating, it's because you are looking for something different than what you have.
Instead of hurting someone and making yourself feel like shit, it's time to sit down and have "the talk." It's going to suck for you and the person you break it off with, but the only thing that will suck more is if you have to admit you cheated and explain why.
If you're feeling tied down, have a girls' or guys' night out where you can hang with your roommates and pretend to be single. Then you can go back to your boyfriend or girlfriend later that night and chances are, you'll appreciate them even more. And while you pretend to be single, if you are lucky enough to find that ultimate celebrity hook-up, at least let your boyfriend keep some of his manliness and tell him that he has a bigger penis than George Clooney.
Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. Her boyfriend did not cheat on her and she did not cheat on her boyfriend, but she chose this topic because some people do and it's mean. She can be reached at [email protected].
