Tis the season …  to buy a gift for your marginal acquaintance whose name you drew for your friend group’s Secret Santa gift exchange. You hardly know this person, and now you need to pick out the perfect present based on your very limited knowledge of who they are and what they like. What does one even get for a … philosophy major with divorced parents who happens to be friends with your roommate? A philosophy major would probably say something like, “Presents are meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe,” but showing up to a gift exchange empty-handed isn’t exactly a good look. 

No idea what to buy? Don’t fret — all you need to know to get a passable gift for any University of Wisconsin student is their major. Here’s your guide to what to gift Badgers based on their degree, plus some ideas for other college archetypes. 

Business major 

Get a business major the only thing that could possibly make their major any easier: a subscription to Chat GPT Premium. Or, just thumbs-up their post on LinkedIn and call it a day. What they really want is something you can’t give them: a six-figure career right out of college, secured via nepotism. 

Computer science major

There’s just one gift suitable for a computer science major, and it’s soap. You know … because people say comp sci majors never shower. A bar of soap from The Soap Opera on State Street is a budget-friendly present that also acts as a gentle reminder that it’s OK to take a break from homework to take a bath. 

Elementary education major

Education majors are always on the lookout for posters to decorate their future classrooms with. Find a wide selection at Anthology, along with lots of cute pens and stickers that will make grading papers a lot more exciting. 

Engineering major

All that engineering students really want is a break. Give them just that, in the form of a day at the sauna: If you have the funds, give them a holiday gift card to the sleek and bougie Saunaday on Willy Street, or opt for a gift card to their favorite coffee shop to fuel them for the sleepless nights of studying still to come. 

English major

English majors like books, right? Anyone who doesn’t probably chose the wrong major. Peruse one of Madison’s independent bookstores, like Lake City Books, Mystery to Me or A Room of One’s Own, to find them a new tome to microdose in between all of their assigned readings of “Beowulf” and “Wuthering Heights.”

Environmental studies major

Studying plants in class probably gets a little tedious, but taking care of one of your own, especially during the long winter months when the world outside is perpetually gray and dead, is a lot more fun. Head to Red Square Flowers on State Street, where you’ll find potted plants that are sure to be botany major-approved. 

Fashion major 

Everyone has that one friend who wears heels to class on a Tuesday, doesn’t leave the house without at least a dozen accessories and is always online shopping during their lectures. Chances are, that friend is a fashion major, and they no doubt have high standards when it comes to what they wear. Get them a tried-and-true gift: a t-shirt by Wisconsin Design Team. It’s probably the only spirit wear they won’t turn their nose up at.  

Film major

Film majors are always in need of a snack to accompany their homework (which is watching a movie that they pirated on 123Movies, of course). Gift them a bag of popcorn from Clary’s Gourmet Popcorn that they can chow down on as they desperately try to glean a shred of meaning from the director’s use of wide-angle shots in “Citizen Kane.” 

Plus: Gift ideas for popular college archetypes

Astrology girl 

If she wears eyeliner, is covered in tiny tattoos and is known to say, “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual,” whenever there’s a lapse in conversation, she’ll love some chunky jewelry and crystals from Burnie’s Rock Shop. There’s no one who could possibly be so overjoyed to receive a box of rocks for Christmas.  

Indie 

For that friend who’s a chronic wearer of oversized jorts, head to B-Side Records on State Street and pick out another vinyl for their collection, which they’re sure to display on their wall but never actually play.

RAs

The RAs living in Lakeshore truly are UW-Madison’s strongest soldiers. Gift them a cute hat or pair of earmuffs from Fontana Sports to keep them warm on their chilly walks to bars and classes from the likes of DeJope and Kronshage. And of course, for Southeast RAs, noise-cancelling headphones are always a safe bet. 

Stoners 

If your friend is a stoner, they already have their go-to dispensary and a bong that they would protect with their life, so don’t bother buying them anything from a smoke shop. Instead, get them a giftcard to their favorite downtown takeout joint for the next time they get the munchies.