Hagstrom
December is a time of giving, and no one or nothing has been
as charitable as the Miami Dolphins, who are dishing out gifts (wins) like
Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. They are bound to become the first team in NFL
history to lose all 16 games. I guess it's good that the modern-day Ebenezer
Scrooge and notorious taker, Nick Saban, left to count his fortunes as the head
coach of Alabama.
It is better to give than receive — there's no disagreement
there. However, through the constant Salvation Army Bells and commercials
advertising holiday sales for that special someone, there comes a point in time
that being generous becomes too much. You need to get stuff, too.
For Bears quarterback Rex Grossman, that'd be a six-week
trial of magic lessons from the disappearing act himself, Harry Houdini.
By this time, you all recognize that's all Grossman's game
has been throughout his injury-plagued, five-year career. Despite a successful
college career at Florida, he dropped the ball in the NFL, and his career never
took off. Now that his season's over after spraining his knee, he may need to
sit through several holiday seasons to receive another paycheck — if one comes
at all — rather than coal and issues of "O, The Oprah Magazine."
That's where Houdini comes in. Since Grossman already has
the disappearing act down pat and can somehow turn would-be touchdowns into
interceptions, he could learn from the legend some other tricks and become a
magician. Not only would Grossman be on the receiving end of some much-needed
guidance in an otherwise hopeless professional career, he would bring little
Bears fans great entertainment at birthday parties rather than pain at Soldier
Field.
So, get out your wands this holiday season and whip up some
lessons for a man in a difficult place.
Point: Make magic for the new disappearing act, Rex
Grossman.
Pro athletes have it tough these days.
Sure, it might seem like they have it all — multiple houses,
great jobs, as many cars as some small dealerships — but they have wants and
needs just like everyone else.
That’s important to remember during this holiday season.
While athletes may not be the most needy of folk, they like getting presents as
well. Sometimes, they even need a thing or two.
Take Peyton Manning, a great football player and, by all
accounts, a decent human being. Manning would be the perfect pitchman for any
number of companies, if his publicist would only look to tap into that
potential.
That’s why, in this season of snow, slush and giving, I’m
going to give Manning a better publicist.
Think about it. Manning is at the peak of his career as one
of the most recognizable faces of the NFL and he’s only on every third
commercial shown during pro football games. That’s an absolute disgrace!
With a better publicist, Manning could be in every other
commercial, at a minimum. Plus, the new publicist could probably swing a deal
where instead of "Defense," the scoreboard would flash "De-caf" to pump up the
crowd before a big play.
Some people may say Manning has saturated the market with
all those ads. Just like touchdowns, a good publicist would say there’s no such
thing as too much of a good thing.
I know you should give to the less fortunate — in Rex Grossman’s
case far less so — but it would probably be a waste to give him anything. He’d
have a hard time staying focused in those lessons, especially around the
holidays, given all the parties he’d be planning out in his head.
A better publicist for Peyton? It’s the gift that keeps on
giving.
Peyton. Cut that meat!
