Pennant, Pennant on the wall, what's the greatest sport of all?

"Oh Football, though fair ye be," speaks the wall hanging. "But no sport event bests the Monster Truck Rally."

Don't mess with the magic pennant. It never lies. Except on April Fools' Day (last year it said that Maurice Clarett would lead the NFL in rushing … that's cold).

Anyway, the point is that when it comes to choosing the sport that sets the gold standard, the sport that all the other competitive exhibitions are trying to catch but are left behind like Gilbert Brown in the mile run, is Monster Trucking.

First off, Monster Truck rallies are jam-packed with action, from 10-foot tall tires spitting up more filth than Linda Blair to crushing painted stock cars more efficiently than Ryan Seacrest can highlight his tips.

The uniforms are sweet, too. No tights like in football or ballet and no tacky Speedos like in swimming. No, monster trucks sport intense, colorful paint jobs that usually make Jessie James take a step back and admire. Such designs include tombstones and flaming skulls.

The trucks also have the best names this side of the WWF. I mean, Gravedigger: That's just awesome. Or the Beast. And who could forget the all-time greatest Monster Truck: Big Foot, which rocks the misnomer of a monopod vehicle like nobody's business.

Lastly, the best part about Monster Truck rallies is the fan base. At no other sporting event can you find a more impressive set of individuals than in an arena with four-wheeled monstrosities rolling about crushing cars. No fewer than 24 present and former presidents are admitted monster truck enthusiasts.

And in what other crowd can you learn about how to gut a pig with a dodge ball or what beer goes best with a T.V. dinner?

Point: Don’t mess with the pennant.

Poppy

The debate of what's a sport and what's not could go on for infinity and beyond, but there's no question that a competition testing your physical limitations against others without the influence of referees and botched calls is definitely a sport — the best sport at that.

That's right, competitive eating is the mecca of all sporting events.

Competitive eating has become a craze in the United States as of late, and there is no doubt it is a sport, unlike poker or dominos. After all, it does have all the elements.

For starters, there's competition — you're going head-to-head with a field looking to down more crab cakes, taquitos or popcorn shrimp than you.

Secondly, it's certainly a physical activity. Although it might not involve running or sprinting, competitive eating greatly tests your physical limitations — filling your belly with 50-plus hot dogs is no easy chore. Plus, while it's often discouraged, the sport takes immense amounts of training. Competitive eaters often stretch out their stomachs by drinking large amounts of water before an event.

Also, there's a time limit — a necessity for almost all sports.

There's a Super Bowl of sorts — the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, a July 4 annual event made popular by ESPN.

Furthermore, Takeru Kobayashi has become the sport's superstar. "The Tsunami" has taken competitive eating by storm, setting the competitive eating record for hot dogs and Krystals (hamburgers). He also is the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest champion for the past six consecutive years. And you can't tell me Kobayashi isn't an athlete — have you seen the guns on that guy?

McGrath can try and tell you Monster Trucks is a sport as much as he wants, and while it is pretty flippin' cool, it's nowhere near the awesomeness factor of competitive eating.

Counterpoint: Best. Sport. Ever.