Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


World’s worst trophy


A trophy is what players in all of sports strive for as it represents the best of the best.

But when a trophy isn't the most stylish, players' aspiration to win then comes into question.


Now I've seen some bad trophies in my time — I have an attic full of those cheapo plastic commemorations Presidential fitness awards — but none is worse than what I saw at the South Padre Invitational this past weekend.

After watching Oklahoma State and Missouri State play in the championship game prior to Wisconsin's matchup with Auburn, I was forced to sit through the trophy presentation, if you can even call it that.

After announcing members of the all-tournament team, the SPI directors presented Cowboys and Bears players with plaques containing overhead shots of the island.

In theory, I suppose it was a good idea — give the players an image to remember the trip by. However, they turned out to be rather cheap looking, even cheaper than the shirts and towels you'd find in the souvenir shop on every corner of the Padre Boulevard. Personally, I would've preferred a "Who's your Padre?" T-shirt.

But it gets worse — then it was time to present the championship trophy.

You'd think the championship trophy would differ from the individual trophies.

While the trophies may have differed, they didn't by much.

Oklahoma State's team was presented with a similar plaque to that of the players' — another overhead shot, this one just slightly bigger than the rest.

Not in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought anyone would appreciate these lame-o trophies.

I was proven wrong.

Oklahoma State's Marcus Dove took the championship trophy with pride, waving it to the several hundred in attendance as if it were the Lombardi trophy.

However, I'm convinced Dove just did it as a joke, because he should've realized that it was the Worst. Trophy. Ever.


A trophy is a very important part of any tournament, race, championship, etc.

If you are an entity that is holding some sort of competition, an impressive trophy is absolutely essential to your credibility. The Wisconsin-Minnesota college football rivalry in reality has never been particularly significant. Neither team has been in a national title chase in about forever, and neither has really smashed each other's season by dealing a crippling blow.

But Paul Bunyan's Axe is such an awesome trophy that the rivalry gets played up about who is going to have possession of said awesome icon. If Sam Houston State and Brigham Young started playing for the Axe, it would be huge.

If a trophy is dumb, it basically puts your competition in the dump. The plaque at the South Padre Invitational is pretty pathetic, but it isn't quite the worst.

That honor would have to go to the Bass Pro Shops 500 trophy, or should I say monument.

To the winner of the race — which is one of the coveted final 10 in the chase for the cup — goes a HUGE bear on an equally huge wooden platform. How huge you ask? It is bigger than Tony Stewart — the winner of the award this year — is a douche bag. It's bigger than Tom Selleck is in Japan. Even bigger than Manute Bol after being stretched on a taffy machine.

The race is big, but its trophy does not need to be larger than Monaco. Making it even dumber is the fact that the award has a giant bear on top of it, but the company is BASS Pro Shops. Why isn't there a giant largemouth? Not that it would make it any better, but at least it would make sense.

The trophy is so big that moving it would probably be akin to moving an anchor, requiring at least one forklift and a truck that has the ability to move small NASA rockets.

If I were to win that trophy, I would either leave it where it stood or donate it to the Northwestern basketball team, as it could probably warrant minutes on the team as a post defender.

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