Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


Supermommy to sport world’s aid

The most amazing sports story didn't come to us from Daytona Beach this week. It didn't happen in Houston, either. It didn't even come off the slopes of Turin.

Would you believe it came from the ever-popular Ivujivik, Quebec?

I bet none of you know what the hell I'm talking about. Here's what happened according to Toronto Globe and Mail, a Toronto paper, and I'll ask you to resist the urge to fire out Brian Butch jokes.


A 90-pound mother wrestled a 700-pound polar bear that was threatening her two children, who were playing a game of street hockey.

And we thought NHL games were too dangerous.

Before I move on, let that sink in for a moment. Again, the woman weighs 90 pounds, as in two digits, as in only slightly larger than your average SI swimsuit model.

Conversely, the bear weighs 700 pounds, almost eight times more than this heroic mama.

So, for those of you who are in the 150-200 range and would like a proportional metaphor, just imagine taking on the UW offensive line and a pissed-off Mike Tyson.

God, I hope I end up loving my kids that much.

Here's the great part: For our intensive purposes, the woman won. Reports say that she got between her kids and the bear, and began kicking and punching it.

Anyone else smell a Budweiser ad for Super Bowl XLI?

The bear fought back, slamming her to the ground, but an onlooker grabbed a gun and shot the beast several times, killing it instantly. Supermom suffered minor injuries, and the children walked away without a scratch and with an unbelievable story to tell their grandkids someday.

All of a sudden, I miss the aggression in NHL games. I mean, if we were still living in the age of NHL thuggery, then this lady would have had to garner attention from the Detroit Red Wings.

She's taking on freaking polar bears! Tie Domi would be no match for her!

Let me tell you this: Her kids won't be catching any more crap from the neighborhood bully.

"Oh yeah? Well, my mommy can beat up your daddy!"

No word yet on whether the next Mother of the Millenium had knocked back one too many Labatt Blues and simply thought she was starring in one of those crazy commercials with the Labatt Blue bear, but you gotta love the story of this woman, especially at this time of year.

As we sit here in the dead period between the Super Bowl and the NCAA tourney, the sports world has been saturated with ridiculous stories like Barry Bonds' retirement "issue" or Ricky Williams screwing up … again and the continuation of the Tony Stewart saga.

Oh, and I can't leave out the medal-less, senseless Bode Miller. The latest news on the greatest Olympic disappointment in recent USA history is that he rolled his ankle playing basketball with friends, hindering his ability to find success in Saturday's slalom event — Bode's last chance to land a medal.

I'm not criticizing Miller's decision to play some hoops — it's a common workout for many Olympic skiers over the duration of the Games — but the timing of his injury is bordering on hilarious. Serves him right, the way he's ashamed himself and his country in Turin.

So, with all that in mind, I say this woman should get a couple of gold medals of her own — one for saving her kids from the most fearsome creature of our northern neighbor and another for outdoing each of the aforementioned jokers in the newsworthy department.

The only way she could outdo herself, in my book, would be going up against Miller for three minutes.

After taking down the bear, I'd pay big bucks to see what she'd do to him.

Aaron is a freshman majoring in journalism. You can learn more about stunningly courageous events in isolated Canadian villages by contacting him at [email protected].

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