Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


Sorgi’s great adventure

“Where am I? And why is Barry Alvarez looking at me with his worried face?” a concussed Jim Sorgi says after being leveled by Michigan State.

“What? J-I-M. It’s only three letters; of course I can spell my own name. Now you want me to go to the sidelines? Damn, did I throw another interception?”

Sorgi slowly gets to his feet and makes the walk off the field with the aid of the UW training staff. The crowd cheers, and Sorgi is led to the bench, where he is instructed to sit down.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Sorgi says. “Thanks for the help off the field ? now give me my helmet and let me back on the field ?What? Of course I can play. I told you, I’m fine ?Why are you locking up my helmet? I told you I can play?.”

Frustrated with the stubbornness of the UW training staff and his inability to pry open the box that his helmet has been locked in, Sorgi jumps over the fence on the sidelines and heads out of Camp Randall Stadium.

Wearing his cardinal parka that holds his arms inside like a straitjacket, Sorgi sets out to wander the streets of Madison in his concussed state.

Walking on Regent Street, he sees a little blue object floating in the air. “Hmm ? I like the color blue. I think I’ll follow that,” Sorgi thinks to himself.

The little girl holding the bright blue balloon hears the loud clicking of cleats behind her, and peers over her shoulder to see a tall man in a red coat ? with no arms, no less ? running after her. Clinging to her daddy’s hand, the little girl runs with her family until they finally reach their destination?the Vilas Zoo. Sorgi, who only wants to see what the little object is, follows the family to the entrance.

But the family is relieved of fear when Sorgi is distracted by the seals.

While people are throwing fish to the seals, Sorgi has his sights set on something else ? a large pink ball floating in the middle of the tank.

“Hmm, it’s not blue, but I like the round pink thing, too.”

Without further thought, Sorgi leaps over the seals’ gate and dives into the seal-clad water in search of the ball. With his arms zipped up in his parka, the 6-foot-5 quarterback is unable to swim, and a man has to dive in after him.

Now safely resting on the sidewalk in front of the seal tank, the man asks the soaking wet Sorgi who he is.

“J-I-M,” is all the concussed Sorgi can muster.

When the man steps aside to look for a security guard to take care of Sorgi, Sorgi pulls a quarterback sneak and makes a run for the zoo’s exit.

Now lost on the side streets of Madison, Sorgi wanders aimlessly. That is, until he sees a word he recognizes ? Badger Bus.

“Badger!” Sorgi yells. “I’m a Badger.”

The still wet Sorgi goes running after the bus, and in a state of pity the driver pulls over and lets him on.

“That’s quite a hit you took today, Jim,” the driver says.

“Yeah, that’s me, J-I-M,” Sorgi replies excitedly.

Sorgi sits on the bus until it comes to a stop. He gets off in front of Memorial Union. Still in a state of confusion, the quarterback heads to State Street, following a sea of red and white that fills the streets. Learning from his previous mistake, he avoids the fountain in Library Mall, explaining to a passerby that his arms are stuck and that swimming is a bad idea in his state.

While continuing his walk, suddenly Sorgi’s attention is focused on a man in a green and white shirt.

“Sparty!” Sorgi exclaims, thinking the large man in the poor shirt choice is in fact Michigan State’s mascot.

Although the man tells Sorgi his name isn’t Sparty, the concussed Jim can?t be convinced otherwise. He leaps on the unfortunate passerby, leveling him to the ground.

At first the man is horrified at the incident, but then for some odd reason, he seems to rationalize it.

“That was some hit you took today, Jim.”

“Yup, J-I-M.”

The man pities the obviously confused quarterback for a while, listening to his story about the seal and the bus, but then it starts getting late and the streets begin to fill with students out to celebrate Halloween.

Not knowing what to do, the man tries calling Mark Anelli to come pick his roommate up, but when asked for his phone number, Jim can only respond, “1-9.”

One look at Sorgi’s wet jersey tells the man that the quarterback has no idea what his phone number is. So with nothing left to do, the man leaves, and Sorgi sits in a bus stop on State Street by himself.

After a while, more and more people crowd the streets, and Sorgi becomes confused as to why everyone is wearing masks and odd clothing. Then someone yells. “Hey, nice Jim Sorgi costume, buddy. What, you couldn’t find a Matt Schabert jersey?”

Soon after, the events of the day, as well as the concussion, get to Jim, and he falls asleep on the bench of the bus stop.

When Sorgi wakes up the next morning, he is tucked safely in his bed, his wet jersey and parka on the floor next to him.

Completely confused with the previous day’s events and a splitting headache, Jim wanders out of his room and finds Anelli in the kitchen.

At the sight of his struggling roommate, Anelli cracks a smile and says, “J-I-M.”

“What?” Sorgi asks.


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