Welcome back, or just simply welcome. Whether you’re a returning UW student or a brand-spanking-new one, it’s time to begin anew. It’s time to start classes again and catch up with your friends who may have been gone over the summer, or time to begin complaining about all the friends who came back.
Either way, we all just had summer vacation, and I thought it would be a good time to check up on all my favorite topics of conversation at the Terrace. Remember, it’s a vacation just because you’re not in school, but as a National Guardsman in 120-degree heat in Fallujah will tell you, just because it’s summer doesn’t mean it isn’t work.
1. George “We have found the weapons of mass destruction!” W. Bush. Bush is in a bit of a pickle. I don’t mean to sound like I’m trumpeting my own horn, but in March of this year, I predicted we would not find weapons of mass destruction. So far, I’m right. When Bush made that little pronouncement to a Polish audience in a speech early this summer, he was, well, lying through his teeth.
Then the White House shifted and said it was all “a matter of emphasis” in regards to what the army would actually find, or why we had gone to war. Ah, emphasis. I guess that is the “depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is,” for the Republicans. Lying about blowjobs in the Oval Office: impeachable. Killing hundreds of American soldiers over “a matter of emphasis”: priceless.
2. Segways. Well, these aren’t exactly a hot topic, but the first one ever was stolen this week by a gentleman in New York City who told the cops he “bought it off the street.” And President Bush fell off one.
3. Howard Dean. The presidential candidate scored two major political coups this summer. First, he raised $7 million, most of it off the Internet through thousands of small donations. Second, he scored the covers of Time and Newsweek in the same week. Which puts him in such heady company as Bruce Springsteen circa Born in the U.S.A. and Steve “Flat Tax” Forbes circa who cares.
Howard Dean is being demonized by Joe “Democrat in name only” Lieberman and by the Democratic National Committee as “too liberal” or as so “radical” that he’ll be unelectable.
It turns out Howard Dean balances his state’s budget, prefers states settle the gun-control issue themselves and supports the death penalty for certain crimes. Man, this guy is one step away from starting the revolution! Actually, he might, and that’s what scares the staid and boring Democratic National Committee.
4. “The O.C.” All right, so I only saw one-and-a-half episodes of the “hottest show of the summer!”, but it was a good potboiler primetime soap opera. I can’t stand “Fear Factor” or most of the reality television shows (although for some reason, I really like “The Amazing Race”), and since I just dropped cable, this is all I’ve got.
5. “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the …” All right, this movie had two titles, which was ridiculous until you realized Disney has a plan to keep making sequels, in which case we’ll have to differentiate them somehow. It should have been “Johnny Depp IS Captain Jack Sparrow,” which is still way the hell too long. Yet, this movie was far more entertaining than any movie based on a Disney ride had any right to be (and it’s one of two already out, with “Haunted Mansion” on the way). I could not believe how crazy Johnny Depp played his character, and if it makes a new generation of androgynous swashbucklers take up swords, then so be it.
6. This damn heat. ‘Nuff said.
7. The California recall. Now, I have some friends and relatives in California, and they’re all fairly ambivalent about the recall. To them, this is just one more incident in a long line of political shenanigans that have been going on the state. As a lifelong Wisconsinite, I thought I didn’t care less, until it was pointed out that California is the key to the country when it comes to Electoral College vote-tallying time. Which scares me because Arnold just could deliver the state to Bush.
A few things about Arnold’s campaign. He has advisers who were caught stealing $375,000 from California state insurance companies, he has a Democrat as a financial adviser, and he admits to smoking pot and groping women.
Funnily enough, he’s being ostracized by the right-wing nutjobs of the Republican Party because he’s not conservative enough. You would think this would endear him to me (and I actually liked “T3” this summer), but honestly, California, do the right thing, and if you elect anyone, elect Gary Coleman. Or the porn star. It’s a coin flip.
Rob Deters ([email protected]) is a second-year law student.
